The Ghost of Turtles Passed
by Silverfire14
Summary: Leo's gone...his family is grieving...the Foot are on the rise... yup, definitely a turtle catastrophe. But has Leo really passed or is he closer to his brothers than they think? (2003 series with some other stuff mixed in) WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH, BUT NOT WHAT YOU THINK (happy ending 99.99% guaranteed)
1. Ch 1 - Meet the Family

Notice - If any of you have read my other story "Elementals I: Where the Wind Blows," please note that I have put that story on hold (NOT discontinue) to write about some of their adventures in the turtles' younger years right after the 2003 series ending (with some of my own characters included) before moving on with their future lives...hope you enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the TMNT character (as awesome as that would be), only the gripping plot line that i'm about to tell you!

I REPEAT, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HATE CHARACTER DEATHS, KEEP READING! IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING! (At least, let us hope so… *insert mysterious fog, and scene change*)

**Chapter 1: Meet the Family**

5PM – The Lair

LEO:

Three weeks. A mere 21 days after we had all faced the Shredder in a final showdown at April and Casey's wedding over at the farmhouse. Thanks to all our friends and Donnie's tech smarts we were able to survive the experience with only some bruises and property damage. Even though there were still some small individual factions of foot ninja lurking about the streets at night, the days were much more peaceful, giving us time to recover from our physical injuries and make up for lost time with Master Splinter after we had recently recovered him from the Cyber world.

Of course, we had no idea, that more struggles were in our near future…and I would finally taste the feeling of Death.

But now I'm getting way ahead of myself. Let us start at the beginning, the best place to start.

This is the story of how I died.

And as corny as it sounds, it all started with a "normal" day in the Hamato clan…

"Damnit, Fearless! Would you get off ma back just this once?" bright amber eyes glared at me, accusatory as always.

…And of course, by "normal" I mean Raph and I were arguing again. Usually we argue about some stupid things. From time to time I let him get to me and abandon diplomatic procedures to fight back so he can blow off some steam. Better he do it with me than my younger brothers.

But this time, I was not budging on the matter. Not because my brother needed to let go of his anger, but this was actually a serious matter. No, it wasn't about him leaving stuff around the lair, putting dents in the walls from his "temper tantrums" as I like to call them, or disobeying an order while on patrol (although these are all valid points that I'm still working on with him). This issue was threatening our very secret of existence and I had to get my argument through my brother's iron thick skull. _Even if I have to ram it down his ears myself._

I returned his glare full force, tired of trying to comply with my hotheaded sibling, "I apologize Raph, I didn't know it was a crime to worry about my brother after he's gone for almost 24 hours." I answered coldly.

"So what? Ya know I stay out fer a while from time ta time."

_He is not going to make this easy for me._ I ruefully thought, taking a breath before launching into one of my world famous lectures.

"And return in the late afternoon, when it's still light out? Honestly Raph, have you forgotten about the Foot, the PD, even Bishop? Heck, even NORMAL humans are a danger. You really want to end up a science experiment in some psycho's lab?"

His eyes turned molten, _Uh oh, here we go…right on schedule…_

"I can take care of myself just fine, Fearless. I don't need ya naggin' and fussin' over me all tha time." He snarled, 'Sides, Casey was wit' me, he woulda bailed me out."

I snorted, "Why does that sentence not offer me much comfort…"

Raph growled and stormed past me, intentionally knocking my shoulder before he slammed the door of the dojo shut behind him. Soon I could hear the sound of vicious fists against a punching bag.

I sighed, _Yup, just an average day in the family_, I couldn't help but think bitterly as I made my way over to the kitchen.

Heavenly aromas filled the air as I walked in and I couldn't help but smile, _Smells like Mikey's cooking his famous 5-meat lasagna again_. From Mikey's own creative mind, the concoction included beef, pork, chicken, venison, and mutton. I winced; _I still don't know how Mikey can stand preparing all that meat._

I know, a big and "fearless" ninja like me shouldn't be scared over some raw meat, but living down in the sewers means not much access to butcher shops. So our innocent Mikey is left to thoroughly pluck, clean, and separate the meat to cook. I don't know how he does it, whether it's from his love of horror movies or adjustment from experience over time, but I don't think I'll ever be able to do it as calmly and thoroughly as him. And I haven't even been fully exposed.

When Mikey asked for Donnie's help 2 years ago after he broke his wrist in a skateboarding accident, Donnie stayed up all night afterward with his vivid nightmares broken only by consistent vomiting. Since that day he has been a strict vegetarian. Can't say I really blame him.

I waited until I was right behind Mikey as he stirred a pot before leaning over his shoulder. Mikey remained oblivious to my presence until I asked, "Smells good. What else are you cooking Mikey?"

He yelped and turned around, almost whacking me with his wooden spoon while knocking over a tray of uncooked lasagna.

I quickly dove and caught the pan before back flipping into a defense crouch while making sure not to spill any. _Yup_, I thought to myself, _ninja reflexes sure have their benefits._

"Dude, like don't sneak up on me like that, ya almost gave me a heart attack" He placed a hand over his chest and smirked up at me, "And if you killed the cook you'd all starve within a week."

I raised an eyebrow. "We're not that useless at cooking."

He scoffed, "Two words. Scrambled eggs."

I flushed at the memory, "How was I supposed to know that putting eggs in a microwave would blow up the kitchen?"

He gave me a look, "Dude, it was on the warning label on the front of the microwave door."

"…" I sighed and changed the subject, "Fine, if I apparently can't cook, is there anything else I can get you for dinner tonight?"

"Yup." He grinned, "I need you to keep Don off my back, at least til dinner's ready."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "I thought you said he finally gave you permission to walk around."

"Well," Mikey suddenly found the pot he had begun to stir again very interesting, "He said I could get up to go to the bathroom, which I did, but then I thought out some great new stuff for this recipe and I just HAD to try it out."

I continued to glare at him. "You think that ankle will get any better if you keep walking on it?"

He winced, still avoiding my suspicious stare, "I know," he whined, "But I was SO bored…Donnie's no fun to talk to with all the projects he's working on, you have your training and leadership stuff, Raph's always off doing…I dunno, whatever Raphs do…please, Leo."

He finally looked at me and got out the big guns, aiming his bright baby blue puppy eyes at me, "Pleeaase Leo…"

I tried to resist those puppy eyes, but his baby brother influence was too much on me…_Sheesh Bishop should take lessons about persuasion methods from Mikey_, I thought, close to cracking when a familiar voice shouted from the infirmary, "MIKEEEEEEEEY!"

Our favorite purple-clad turtle appeared at the kitchen doorway, his jaw set in the familiar stubbornness we all knew and dreaded…_Doctor Don has arrived_, I thought and smirked slightly to myself, _I almost feel sorry for Mikey_…almost.

Mikey looked down Donnie up and down and essentially came to the same conclusion. I could practically hear the gears turning in his head as he weighed his options. He finally decided to use his classic Mikey charm and innocent act. I decided to stick around to make sure Don wouldn't resort to sedatives to get Mikey back in bed.

"Uh…what's up, doc?" our baby brother asked while giving Don his trademark cheesy grin.

Donny didn't even twitch, "What definitely should not be up is you, Hamato Michelangelo. I just finished stitching that leg up after you reopened it AGAIN. If you want to get better, get back in bed before I extend your recovery time to 2 months…"

Mikey grumbled, muttering something about where Don could stick his bo staff.

Don raised an eye ridge, "Do I hear three months?" He drawled, un-amused.

Mikey's eyes widened and he saluted, "No sir Doctor Don, I am on my way, sir…"

Don rolled his eyes and gave Mikey his crutches to get back to the infirmary with.

I winced, feeling slight sympathy for my youngest brother. In a recent foot attack he had caught a shuriken in the foot, mangling muscle and hitting bone. Luckily the throwing weapon had missed his Achilles tendon without completely damaging any significant muscles, but the poor guy was still bed-ridden for about three more weeks until the wound healed. Usually the easygoing turtle rejoiced in extra downtime to catch up on his videogames and latest comic book issues while working on some new recipes and sketches. But after a few days it left even Mikey bored and restless. He even begged me to let him train with us, an event I was sure would be less likely than the apocalypse.

Don returned from locking Mikey back down in his lab and gave me a look I did not even know my pacifist brother possessed.

Fearing my own safety under his poisonous gaze, I stood back and put my hands up in the air in defense, "Don't look at me, I was merely an innocent bystander."

Donny closed his eyes and sighed, releasing some of the tension from his shoulders that I had noticed building for the past three weeks after the battle with Shredder. I could tell he was also feeling uneasy about how suspiciously peaceful it had been. Even though the New York Foot branch had broken up, there was still a foreboding feeling in the air. I could feel it too. And on top of having to worry about all our healing wounds, especially Mikey's recent ones, it could not be good for Don's stress level. I was pretty sure my brother lived on an IV of coffee to keep him conscious these days. And I didn't want to add anymore to his burden by discussing it with him.

I gave my brother a small gentle smile to comfort him, "I know, Don. It's hard to take care of us all when we're injured. You practically put me in restraints to keep me still so my concussion would heal from last month. And with all your fussing and nagging, you've almost perfected my mother-hen act."

He returned my smile with a sheepish one, "Sorry Leo. I'm stressed about all you guys. And Master Splinter – I don't want him to go into some sort of relapse that could pull him back into Cyberspace. Also…"

He paused, his chocolate brown eyes darkening, "There's something else, something that doesn't feel right. Maybe it has to do with our heightened ninja senses, but there's some…I don't know what to call it, some…evil in the air."

He gave me a questioning look, "I know it sounds like something out of one of your Space Heroes episodes, but I just know it's out there…You've also felt it, haven't you?"

I nodded, letting my thoughts wander…Yes, I have had the feeling for a while, right after we tangled with the cyber Shredder I began having nightmares…they're still out of focus and hard to interpret, but they're slowly getting clearer. And more and more terrifying….

"Earth to Leo. You in there?" Donnie asked, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

I blinked, pulling myself out of my reverie. "Sorry, just thinking."

Suddenly a loud crash came from the infirmary, followed by a loud and bubbly "Whoopsy daisy…"

He snorted, "I guess we're the only two in the bunch who actually use that skill consistently."

Another crash sounder and Don nervously glanced back at the door to his precious lab, "I'd… better go check on Mikey before he hurts his other ankle. Speaking of brainless, where has our very own hothead wandered off this time?"

I could immediately see the regret in his eyes as I winced, remembering our earlier fight.

"That bad huh." He said looking at me with concern. I knew he had noticed that my clashes with my immediate younger brother were getting more frequent, but I just couldn't help but become concerned at Raph's increasing recklessness. (yeah, I know. I didn't think it could get any worse either) Not to mention the tension everyone felt from that evil aura mixed with my nightmares…it was the perfect recipe for disaster – turtle style.

_You know you'll have to clear the air sooner or later. Might as well get it over with._ I sighed and turned to walk over to the dojo. "I'll go talk to him. You go take care of Mikey." I called behind me, but stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I turned to look into Don's worried eyes, "You sure you just don't want him to cool off a little? It might decrease your bruise count, which at the end of the day is less work for me." He tried to joke, but I could sense his uneasiness.

"Donnie," I said gently, "you know that doesn't work when Raph's really ticked off. He'll just stew, letting his anger build until he could blow up on one of you guys. I'd rather he let it out on me than you."

He sighed, squeezing my shoulder, "I know, I'm just worried. You two have been at each other's throats more and more, and it's affecting all of us. Even the 'Battle Nexus Champion' has been cracking less jokes."

He shook his head and smirked at me slightly, trying to regain some humor, "You want me to write up your will before you go in there? I did pass the online bar exam last year."

I laughed a little and affectionately rubbed his head with my hand, "No thanks, genius. I'll survive. Though I'd get the ice packs ready if I were you…and stay out of the dojo for the next half hour or so."

He nodded in understanding and turned away. Suddenly a sharp pain lanced through my chest and wracked my body, causing me to slump and fall on one knee.

Don turned back when he heard the soft thump and widened his eyes, "LEO!" he shouted and rushed over to help me up.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice nearly bordering on panic.

Regaining my sense of balance, I quickly tried to steady myself. I put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine, Don." I said, trying to smile through the persevering pain.

He gave me a yeah-right look and practically dragged me over to the couch, where he gave me a quick physical examination, a no-nonsense glint in his eyes.

"Really, Donnie, I'm fine." I said with mild exasperation, gently but firmly slapping his hands away.

He glared at me, "No, you are not. You've lost a good amount of weight in the past few weeks. I can practically count all of your ribs." He sighed, "Geez, Leo. I already have Mikey's ankle to worry about. Please don't overwork yourself again AND skip your meals."

_Look who's talking mister practically-lives-on-coffee_…I thought but still I couldn't help but smile slightly at the Braniac's scolding, _Donnie's still looking out for me._ I put a hand on his shoulder, "Thanks little bro. I'll make sure to eat some more."

But underneath my expressionless face I was hiding my grimace from the continuing pain. _Idiot, you can't let them notice. They'll begin to suspect that it's more than just stress from overworking._ I berated myself, _You can't let them be burdened by it._

I quickly pulled myself together and got off the couch, smiling slightly at Don to show I was okay. "Thanks for your concern, Donny. I don't know where we'd be without that big brain and big heart of yours."

I turned and walked towards the dojo, "Now if you'll please excuse me, I have a date with a certain hothead."

"Come back to my lab after you're done. I still want to check you over to make sure the stress has not badly affected your systems."

_Great_, I thought, _now I'm screwed. If Don gives me a checkup he'll find out why I really collapsed. And no one in the history of the universe has ever been able to avoid Doctor Don's checkups…Ugh, this is why I hate keeping secrets._

Annoyed, I flung open the sliding bamboo door to settle things once and for all with my younger brother.

_At least this fight will take my mind off all these issues…_

Read & Review (If you dare...)

~ N.B. - For anyone confused I decided to MERGE DON'S LAB WITH THE INFIRMARY (so Doctor Don can keep an eye on his restless patients...) ~


	2. Ch 2 - Red, Black, and Blue

**I know, I left you with some unfinished business about Leo, but don't worry ALL WILL BE REVEALED...**

**I apologize to all Raph maniacs out there in the world for the horrible attempts I have made to portray his accent (it tends to fade in and out of the story...I implore you to just bear with me here...)**

DISCLAIMER: Still not in the possession of any certain awesome turtles...

**Chapter 2: Red, Black, and Blue** (and it even rhymes...)

5:30 PM – The Dojo

RAPH:

Ya know one thing I've always hated and admired about my older bro is how he can always keep his cool and stay focused. Even in our heated battles with da Foot he always knew what to do. Sure, he had his bad days like everyone else but hey, he's only human (er…turtle) and we all make mistakes. Seriously, just look at me.

I'm called "hothead" for a reason. I let ma emotions get in the way (mainly anger, rage, frustration, ya get the picture) and channel them into ma fighting. May not be the best ting, but it works for me.

While I usually go berserk in fights, Leo's face is always just a mask. Unreadable. Untouchable. Undefeatable. I'm glad I'm on his side in battles instead of the pitiful (not that I actually pity them) foot soldiers he cuts down.

Hey, not to say I'm getting mushy on my bro. My rep would be ruined if everyone knew I admired him this much.

But honestly I just wish I could see Fearless showing some emotion too. I mean, the guy practically looks liked a statue with his frozen face. Even when I'm on a rampage or Donnie's blown up his lab again or knucklehead's pulling pranks he's always able to keep his cool. He really takes the expression "Keep calm and carry on" to a whole new level.

For ONCE I just want to see my bro with his true feelings written all over his face, instead of looking at me with that unreadable expression in his eyes. Can't he show what he's feeling even in front of his own family?

I sure as shell had no idea I was gonna get my wish tonight.

As usual, I was in the dojo beating the stuffing out of ma punching bag. I imagined Leo's face plastered on the front to fuel my anger while mangling the piece o'stuffing.

I hit…kicked…blocked 'til my knuckles were swollen and bloody.

Still unable to let out ma anger, I roared in frustration and continued pounding away.

Thwack…

_How dare he judge meh, glaring at me with that disappointed look on his dumb ol' face._

Thwack…

_Who does he think he is, ma Mom? Oh right, that position's already taken by a can a ooze…_

Thwack…

_He's cracking down on meh like a drill sergeant or somethin'. I stayed out fer a while. What's the big deal?_

Thwack…

_Well screw him. "Splinter Jr." can't babysit me 24/7. After he's finally asleep I'll sneak out to bash some more heads wit' Casey. At least he understands how ta have a good time._

Thwack…

_THAT'LL SHOW THAT BASTARD!_

I felt the rage bubbling inside me and threw a punch with all my might. A loud clang sounded as the chain broke and the punching bag flew in the air, crashing into the far wall of the dojo.

I fell to my knees, panting as the adrenaline continued to course through my body while nursing my sore knuckles.

_Why does he have to suffocate and try to protect us all the time? We're all growing up. We sure as shell don't need a nanny anymore_

A tear ran down ma cheek that I angrily wiped away

_…I'd rather have my big bro and best friend there fer me, not a stupid, overbearing leader…._

I growled and punched the floor with my fist.

_Why can't he just be our brother for once? Not our emotionless leader who always trains us and orders us around…a big bro I can talk to and laugh with like we always used to when we were kids…_

I pressed my forehead against the floor, my anger turning to sadness as I realized the true source of my fury.

_I miss Leo da brother. Before he became Leonardo da "Fearless Leader."_

I exhaled, my anger finally spent I sat up and inspected my sore knuckles.

_Looks like I'll need Egghead to help meh patch these up._ I winced as they throbbed. _Sometimes I jus' hate bein' tha hothead._

I sighed as I slowly sat up and stretched out my aching muscles, _Now all I need is to avoid Fearless fer the rest o' ma life and I'll be good as gold._

Of course just as I had managed to calm down Mr. Congeniality himself came stomping into the dojo with steam practically coming out of his ears. Anger was practically written all over his face with a thick black sharpie.

He slammed the dojo door so hard behind him I'm surprised it didn't crack in two. I was shell-shocked to say the least. _Geez, I've never seen Leo this pissed off before. I thought that was my act._

He stalked toward me with a determined gleam in his eye I knew all too well and I returned his glare with all I had, _Bring it on Fearless 'cause I'm definitely not backin' down from this. If you wanna fight, I'm all too ready fer ya._

He stopped three feet away from me, his arms crossed in a typical defense pose. I felt the familiar anger flair up in me again as he gazed at me with a contemptible look. His brown eyes sparked with gold fire as they stared down at me.

I jumped up quickly into a standing position. Clenching my fists, I only managed a few words through my gritted teeth. 'If ya want ta fight Leo I'm more than ready. Otherwise just get outta ma way."

His gaze softened as he looked at me, "I can't do that Raph. You're my little bro. And as your big brother it's my job to take care of you."

I leapt forward so that we were almost beak to beak, rage clawing at my belly, "Oh, so it's a 'job' fer ya now, is it?" I shouted in his face. "I'm just a kid you hafta babysit. Big brother Leo is SO mature that he must always take care of meh." I taunted.

His eyes hardened again, "Raph that's not what I meant and you know it – "

I held up a hand, "Can it, Fearless." I growled, "This turtle's checkin' out and movin' on from this stupid 'heart-to-heart' talk. Now get outta the way before I make ya"

Splinter Jr. just kept standing there with his shoulders squared and his eyes staring defiantly at me. I growled and tried to brush past him but he grabbed my shoulder and quickly flipped me down on my back, pinning me to the ground and holding me in place.

I roared and tried to get up. We both know that I'm the strongest and bulkiest of all my bros and usually I can easily muscle my way out of his grip. But today Leo wasn't having any of it and expertly dodged my flailing limbs while keeping my back on the floor.

Finally I could tell he wasn't gonna let me go 'til we talked, so I stopped struggling and simply gave him the coldest look I could muster, _Fine Leo, _I bitterly thought,_ let's hear the magnificent rousing speech you're so eager ta give meh._

Once he could see I was "ready" to hear what he had to say, he forced me to look him in the eye and began, "Listen Raph, I know you've been even more moody and angry than usual, as hard as it is to believe. And I can understand that the tension from these past few weeks has affected everyone."

His gaze darkened, "But that gives you NO right to bite all our heads off when we open our mouths. Shell Raph, you almost strangled Mikey yesterday morning when he just said 'Hello' to you. And then you keep disappearing for long periods of time – not hours, but days. We're all stressed and worried Raph, but you're behaving like a SPOILED BRAT who has a temper tantrum every 10 seconds and runs away to avoid the consequences!"

His voice got louder and louder as he continued to rant, "If you're such a tough guy, then behave like one and be a mature adult, Raph! We need your help and you keep fleeing like a coward! GROW UP RAPHAEL!"

He finished, his breathing ragged as he looked at me with cold, angry eyes. I wanted to see my brother with clear emotion on his face. Now I could. And it scared the shell outta me.

But his last words kept rattling around in my brain, still unable to process them…_GROW UP RAPHAEL!_

And I felt a rage I have never experienced before begin boiling inside me. The warning lights were flashing in my head, telling me to calm down before I did something I would surely regret. But I couldn't soothe my savage fury as three words echoed in my head, _HOW. DARE. HE…_

Surprisingly the first thing that came out of my mouth was laughter. Hysterical laughter over the absurdity of those words. Fearless looked just as stunned since he let go and stood up, glancing over his shoulder like he considering getting our residential genius to examine my head.

_Grow up he says_, I thought, my dark anger building, _How can we grow up when he treats us like this…_

I slowly got up, my hysterics ending as I felt my unbridled rage sweep through me. _I'll show him…_

"YOU tell ME to grow up, but ya treat us like were 3 year olds!" I yelled. His head snapped around to face me, shock written all over his face. I continued undeterred, "Ya nag us and shield us from the world since we're the younger brothers so of COURSE we're jus' SO helpless that our Fearless leader must always step in ta save the day!

Well I'm sick of ya treating us like we're still in diapers, Leo! Ya think ya know everything and we need ya constantly 'cause Masta Splinta made ya leader! Well here's a news flash for ya, Fearless! We don't need a babysitter and we don't need ya!

I lunged at him before he could react, pulling out one of my sais and scraping it against his cheek.

"I HATE YA" I screamed before pushing him into a rack of weights. The display teetered before crashing down on him, smacking his body as he desperately tried to cover his head and chest with his arms for protection.

I stood over him, breathing heavily from the adrenaline pumping my blood as Leo lay there, momentarily dazed.

_It's his own damn fault_, I seethed to myself, _He knew he shouldn't push meh and he did it anyways._

I smiled grimly, _Now he'll have the bruises from where I pushed him._ I could already see some forming on his body from the force of the weights that had landed on him. There were some nasty ones on his arms and torso, but nothing looked sprained or broken. _He'll live_, I thought, and then stopped.

_His eyes._ I expected those eyes to flash with fury, tired of trying to settle the argument with words, ready to fight back. But this time, Leo's eyes looked lost…sad…broken…

And these eyes were by far more terrifying to me than his expressionless or angry eyes…they were eyes full of sorrow and betrayal.

"Leo…" I whispered, my voice laced with shock.

I saw him slowly reach up a hand to trace the cut I had given him with my own weapon. He closed his eyes and muttered, "I'm going topside." before running out of the dojo, the wooden door slamming shut behind him with a final snap.

I sank down to my knees, wondering what made Leo's eyes look at me that way. It had been worse than his usual disapproving gaze, worse than Masta Splinta's disappointed look...shell it was even worse than Mikey's disgusting puppy eyes.

_What happened?_ I thought. Suddenly my words came back to me, _We don't need ya…I HATE YA!_

"Shell," I whispered, bolting out of the dojo and running into the main area.

Mikey had by some miracle gotten permission from Don to continue cooking, and was now stirring a pot in the kitchen while Egghead himself tinkered in the living room with a thingumajig and kept an eye on Mikey.

_They probably saw where Leo ran_, I thought and ran toward them

"Donnie, Mikey, have you seen Leo?" I asked.

Neither turtle even glanced up at me. Mikey kept cooking while keeping his gaze fixed on the cookbook he was consulting. Donnie just pointedly ignored me and continued screwing some parts together.

I froze, _Oh no…they heard our fight…_Then I felt a familiar surge of anger, _They're blaming me?_ _Didn't they hear the awful shit that Leo was spouting too? _I breathed deeply, _Calm down, bucko. Rage is not gonna get you what ya need. Stay calm, stay clam…_

I decided to try Don first and made my way over to him, _Donnie's a peaceful and levelheaded turtle. He'll see that the best ting fer me to do is find Leo and apologize…_

As I approached Don he continued looking down at his device, not even sparing a glance at me. "Hey Donnie," I began, "I was wondering if you knew where Leo…" I was cut off as Don looked up and gave me the coldest glare I had ever seen. His normally warm, chocolate brown eyes were as dark as obsidian. I quickly backed up, holding my hands out in front of me, I knew Donnie could get pissed when his patients don't listen, but this is a sort of rage that's almost as bad as mine.

As I retreated he looked away and went back to tinkering as if nothing had happened. _Okay, I sure as shell don't want to face death-face Don again…_

I looked over to my baby-brother, who was still in the kitchen avoiding my gaze. _Maybe Mikey will help me._ I hopefully thought while making my way toward him. _He's the most sensitive out of us all, so he should understand how I'm feeling and help me out…_

"Yo knucklehead!" I called as I entered the kitchen. "Have you seen Splinter Jr. around?"

Mikey didn't even look and kept his back turned toward the stove. "Mikey?" I asked, walking over to him. Still nothing. "Michelangelo?" I usually don't full name my bros, but this was serious.

"Don't you dare…" I heard him whisper.

"What?" I leaned over to try to catch a glimpse of his expression.

He whipped around to look at me, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "DON'T YOU DARE INSULT HIM AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO HIM!" Mikey screamed, practically knocking me over.

I backed up, feeling like I'd been punched in the gut. _Mikey's…crying…_

It was an unspoken rule among us three eldest bros never to make our baby bro seriously angry or cry. If you did there was hell to pay. And right now I had broken both of those rules. I could see the anger flashing in Mikey's eyes just under the tears he was barely holding in. _Oh shell_, I thought in anguish, _what have I done?_

Mikey didn't stop there. He stalked towards me, cooking forgotten, pointing an accusing finger at my plastron. "How could you say those things to your big brother? He was only trying to protect you and you push him away? Tell him you don't need him or love him? WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DOES THAT?" he shouted.

_Monster…monster_…I felt like I'd been slapped.

"But did you hear what he said?" I cried, weakly trying to defend myself, "How I need to 'grow up?' I'm almost 16 for shell's sake, I don't need a mother hen naggin' me 24/7!"

His mouth dropped open in shock, "So that gives you the right to tell him you HATE HIM? Leo's right, you need to grow up Raph and stop these temper tantrums of yours! It hurts everyone else and it hurts you! We all know you've got a guilt-complex almost as big as Leo's! But you still can't bother to control your rage!"

He stopped, no longer able to hold the tears in as they coursed down his face, "When are you gonna stop this cycle of destruction, dude?" He whispered, his face contorted in anguish, "When are you gonna confront your anger?"

I choked almost unable to form words. "Mikey…" I began, but he put up a hand to stop me, turning away. "I know what you're gonna say." He muttered, "and I'll give you what you want. But…"

He turned toward me, the tears continuing to spill down his face, dripping onto the floor. "I'll only give you Leo's location if you promise me that you're going to apologize…NOT one of your half-ass attempts that end in another fight." He interrupted as I opened my mouth to agree. "You have to be sincere about this, Raph."

He looked directly at me, "I know Leo was hard on you, but you crossed a line, Raphael. It's up to you to fix it."

If Mikey's full-naming me, then he's more serious than he's ever been in his life. I was a little shocked how much his expression looked like Leo, _Who woulda thought that under all the jokes and goofy smiles Mikey can actually be quite mature._ I smirked a little to myself; _We may have a Leo Jr. in our future if Mikey outgrows his childish attitude._

Thinking of Fearless again quickly sobered my thoughts and I nodded at Mikey, "I promise." I whispered. He relaxed a little and pulled out a piece of paper that he scribbled an address on.

"Here." He said and handed the paper to me. "I asked Leo to go to this store to grab some ingredients for desert: ice cream pizza." He put a hand on my shoulder, "Go get him big bro. I'll make sure no one tries to contact you tonight to give you some privacy."

I nodded in thanks and turned to go.

"Raph," a voice called from the living room. Surprised, I walked back into the main area to see Donnie looking up at me, a mixture of anger and concern evident in his eyes. "Leo's been overworking himself and he's weaker, not up to full fighting capacity. Find him quickly and DON'T overstress him" He gave me a look that brooked no arguments.

I swallowed. _Leo's been sick? I haven't noticed._ I paused, my face crumbling in realization_, I haven't been noticin' much other than that creepy presence that's been hangin' around and my own selfish needs._ I shook my head in grief, _Mikey's right, I am a monster…_

Donnie must have seen the crushing guilt in my expression, since his face softened a little. "We all know you didn't mean it, Raph." He said softly, "We're brothers and we always stick together. Leo won't hate you for what you said. If anything he'll probably find some way to blame it on himself.

He sighed, pressing his palms into his exhausted eyes, "Just make sure you clearly apologize and bring both you and him back here safely. And NO detours." He added vehemently.

I nodded, ready to hightail it out of the lair when a quiet but firm voice spoke, "Raphael." I tensed, unsure I should turn around and face that disappointed look Sensei seemed to reserve 'specially for me.

I finally gathered my courage and slowly spun around to confront my father. "Masta' Splinta, I…" I stumbled on my words as I avoided his probing gaze.

I felt a small, clawed hand lift my chin to look into his wise old eyes. "Shh…my son." He soothed, "We will talk later. Right now it is best to find Leonardo. Do not worry, Raphael, you can make this right. Your honorable heart will guide you." He gently pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Be safe my son." He whispered.

I nodded bowing to him before I bolted out of the lair, taking the shortest route I could find up to the surface. I'd probably broken our record but I didn't have time to check my shell cell. That could wait 'til after I had dragged Leo's sorry shell back so Donnie could look him over…after I'd apologized…

_I'm sorry Leo…I'm sorry Leo…I'm sorry Leo…_I repeated the mantra in my head, bracing myself for when the time came to face him.

_Come on Raph. Ya really screwed it up this time and ya need to fix it. No matter how bad you are at emotions._ I sighed to myself. _Sometimes I just HATE being the hothead._

I guessing ya've noticed I've always been horrible at expressing emotions. Mikey's the touchy-feely turtle, he's always tryin' ta give people hugs. Emphasis on the word TRYING. If you see Mikey comin' at ya with a hug, my advice is to run away while screamin' 'bloody murder.' Extreme, ya may say? The knucklehead hugs like a trash compactor and he Never. Lets. Go.

Took almos' 2 hours to pry him off Donnie the last time he managed ta catch one of us.

Me, I'm the tough guy. Sure I definitely have emotions but I don't really know how to act on them. 'Cept anger. Anger is one of my stronger feelings. But stuff like happiness, sadness, regret, I don't really know what to do with those.

So I lock them under ma anger and bitterness. Believe me, I've tried showing them more, but it's not who I am. And ma friends & family can all tell when I'm feeling what I'm feeling under ma rage. If they understand when I'm happy or hurt of guilty, that's all I need. But I knew this sort of thing needed a clear display of emotion (not anger) to make it up ta Leo. And I suck at those.

_Aw shell, what am I gonna do?_ I quickly flipped and dodged over the roofs, tryin' to clear ma head. _Alright Raph. You just need a clear apology that doesn't end in another fight. Ya've done this before._ _Like the time when…_I tried to think of a time when our conversations hadn't turned to violence.

…O_r maybe when…_I desperately struggled to come up wit' at least one stinkin' time.

_…Or how 'bout…_Nothin'_. _I froze, realizin' I couldn't even remember a time we didn't end an apology at each other's throats again.

_Damnit, I'm screwed_. I growled, punchin' the nearest chimney I could reach, scrapin' my knuckles and leavin' a dent in da brick.

_Fantastic_, I bitterly thought, _another ting damaged 'cause of me._

I shook my head, tryin' to shake off these useless thoughts. _Pull yourself together, hothead. Ya need to find Leo, not wander aimlessly and sulk._

I looked down at the crumpled piece of paper still clutched in my hands. As I smoothed it out I could see the dried teardrops sprinkled around Mikey's crooked handwriting and felt the crushing guilt pull me down. _I did thi_s…I thought, then straightened, _And I'm sure as shell gonna fix it._

I quickly read the address and mapped out ma route to avoid the busiest public areas and parks while keeping to the shadows. _Geez, Mikey just had to make Leo go all across town just ta get some ice cream._

I calculated that I had spent 'bout 15 minutes shell-shocked in the Dojo and 'bout 5 talkin' to Mikey and Donnie since Leo left_. He shouldn't be too far ahead. I'll be able to intercept him. _I mused to myself, _It's only been 20 minutes, what coulda happened?_

I paused, _Who'm I kiddin'? We're turtles, we live and breathe trouble. _I swallowed thickly and picked up tha pace_; I'd better find Leo quick._

As I crossed by some shielded rooftops I could faintly hear the usual clash of weapons and grunts that came with battle. _Sounds like the Foot have decided to stage a comeback. Wonder which unlucky bastard decided to tangle wit' them_, I thought and snorted. _They sure know how to time things…Betta take care of dem 'fore they start cuasing more trouble. But what 'bout Leo?_

I stopped, feeling torn. _I need to find ma big bro, but there's something going down over behind those rooftops. And Fearless'll blow a gasket if he finds out I didn't help out jus' so I could keep lookin' for him._ I pulled both sais out of my belt, expertly twirling them and grinned, _Course, it don't hurt me either to blow off some steam…_

My choice made, I crept over behind one of the rooftops, keeping to the shadows while trying to assess their numbers. I practically snorted at ma new careful attitude, _Who'd a thought I'd get so cautious if Fearless ain't around to come up wit' a plan…_

I managed to find a concealed corner where I could observe the battle. As I snuck over and pulled myself up, I could still only hear what was goin' on. _Sounds like they're 100 of those creeps, all fighting one guy._ I cocked my head, trying to listen to the clanging of weapons, _He's pretty good, though his strikes sound a little weak._

Still crouched behind the corner, I slowly poked my head 'round to catch ma first glimpse of the battle.

My eyes widened in horror and I practically dropped my sais in shock. "NOOOOO!" I screamed, _This can't be happening..._

**I challenge you (takes glove off and slaps face) to a duel of reviews...**


	3. Ch 3 - Old Foes & New Enemies

**WHEW! This was the hardest chapter to write yet (rides around the track once in victory while blowing kisses)...Thank you! Thank you! You're too kind...**

**WARNING: I portrayed Leo here as a little Raph-like with some impulsive actions, sarcastic comments, cursing, you get the picture (personally I thought I should cut Leo some slack and let loose here since he's already had an emotional night - poor Leo)**

DISCLAIMER: Not even close to owning any certain terrapins (but you can just let me keep on dreaming...)

Alright, so now we're just gonna rewind 5 minutes back, and…

5:45 PM – The Rooftops

LEO:

_I HATE YA…I HATE YA…I HATE YA…_

The words played over and over in my head like a broken tape-recorder, matching the rhythm of my feet slapping against the slate & concrete rooftops.

I ran and ran and ran, not caring at all where I was going. I just had to get away from those destructive words. But no matter how far I ran, my heart still felt like it had been ripped out of my chest, stomped on, then kicked a few times for good measure.

_We don't need ya… We don't need ya… We don't need ya…_I let out a soft sob, my vision blurring with unshed tears threatening to spill. I quickly wiped them away to keep them from staining my mask, trying to pull myself together. _You can't break down like this. _I thought, _You've got to stay strong for your brothers._

I paused at the mixture of emotions that one word managed to evoke from me. _My brothers…Mikey…Donnie…do they also think I'm an overbearing and emotionless leader who nags them all day? That I don't act like a big brother? _I scrunched my eyes shut, trying to block the memories out of my mind.

-10 minutes earlier **(IN AN EXTREMELY LONG FLASHBACK)**-

I bolted from that dojo like a bat outta hell, trying to get away from those words still piercing me like tantos. _He hates me_…_my little brother HATES me…_

I could still see the image burned behind my eyelids:

The look on his face hard and cold as ice with eyes burning into me with intense loathing and disgust as he loomed over me. Those familiar sais whirled and gleamed in the dim light, poised to strike.

I could already feel the bruises from the dumbbells throbbing in a constant rhythm. But the most painful of them all were wrapped around my upper arms where Raph had pushed me. The marks traced clear indents left by each finger around my limbs, pulsing like he was still gripping me while he screamed those words into my ear. They bloomed shades of purple and black, mixing with the blood that was already dripping down my right cheek onto my shoulder. The colors blended into a muddy brown hue that reminded me of sadness and despair, emotions that now filled my heart with a greater pain than I had ever felt in my whole life. **(A/N - I was in a poetic mood when I wrote this - don't hate)**

It was worse than any of Bishop's attempted experiments, Shredder's painful tortures, even Splinter's disappointed gaze. That expression on my brother's face is what brought me closer to the breaking point than I had ever been. I bit back the wrenching sobs clawing up my throat, barely holding myself together by the seams.

I sprinted over to the main entrance as fast as I could, feeling like the walls were closing in around me. As I let my eyes flicker around the main area, memories sprang to mind from our early childhood up until the past few months. We had always been together, the for of us...turtles forever...brothers forever. Now we were broken, no longer the invincible team that had brought down our most powerful enemies. Bonds had been shattered that may never heal. And that is what shook me the most.

I closed my eyes, trying to block the memories that reminded me of happier times. They only made me feel even more sorrowful about what we had become. _I…need to get out in the open…_I frantically thought,_ clear my head…_

Quickly I blended into he shadows on the far walls, desperately hoping none of my brothers were around to witness my near emotional breakdown. Seeing one's "Fearless Leader" curled up in a ball and sobbing on the floor would not exactly help to raise moral around here. I shook my head, _With all the Shredders popping up around us, Stockman and Bishop still lurking around, not to mention that creepy presence in the air, we can't have anything distracting us. _

I smiled slightly, _I love my brothers and trust them implicitly, but as Leader I hold their faith in me as the key to our success. I cannot afford to make mistakes. That is my burden. Having a mental breakdown would not exactly give them a vote of confidence. _

I shook my head resolutely_, No, I must sort this out on my own. If only I can get out of here without any of my nosy bros finding me_. I prayed to whatever entity may be out there to please grant me this small reprieve in my time of need. But of course Fate decided to throw me a curveball as I inched closer to the entrance_. Almost there, _I thought_, _reaching for the access keypad, _So close to freedom and…._

I was almost out the door and home free when I felt a hand on my shoulder, causing me to practically jump outta my shell. _Stupid turtle luck running true to form_, I bitterly thought. _Now I know how my brothers feel when I sneak up on them_. Usually I could hear someone approaching me from about a mile away. But in my current emotional state, I hadn't really focused on tuning into my environment.

So of course, now I was left to my own devices against my brothers to suffer an infamous turtle interrogation from one of my bros. _Great,_ I thought sarcastically, _just what I need. I've got one brother proclaiming he hates me and another about to give me the third degree. This is definitely not my night._

"Leo? You ok?" Don asked, surprise showing in his voice. Apparently he hadn't expected to catch me off guard either. _Ok_, I lectured myself, _just act normal and pull it together so you can go and sort out your dilemma later in peace._

Dragging myself out of my internal rant I gave Donnie a brief nod, not trusting my voice.

He raised an eye-ridge at that. "You sure? The dojo walls practically blew over from all your 'huffing and puffing'. I know you and Raph like to go at it, but I'm pretty sure you two almost broke the sound barrier that time. Also Mikey and I, well we…" I could see him looking a little sheepish, "We kinda caught some bits and pieces of the 'conversation'…"

I flinched, keeping my back to him. _Shell, Mikey and Donnie had to stand by and listen to my ranting against Raph. I can't really even remember the last time I lost my control like that. I just felt myself let go and…_

I hung my head in shame, _What kind of leader and big brother am I? Poor Mikey is already hurt enough with his ankle; I don't need to add to his and Donnie's stress level…_ I could already feel my genius brother scrutinizing me, a puzzled look on his face. I shook my head. _Don's already suspicious enough about me. If he sees these bruises he'll just overreact and drag me back into the Lair to give me that check-up. _I tensed_; I've got to get out of here._

"You know he didn't mean it." Don said softly, interrupting my reverie as stepped a little closer to me, "Raph just lashes out and says stupid things. You know he'll be out here soon trying to awkwardly apologize while keeping the tough guy persona." He smiled his familiar kind smile, "Don't worry about it, big bro."

I nodded slightly, keeping my face partly turned away so Don couldn't see my expression. _You're wrong Donnie. _I thought_, those words are too hurtful to classify as just lashing out. They only run on real feelings…hateful ones..._

My own thoughts and emotions were tangled like yarn, a million strands going in different directions. Yes, I'll admit they're were probably some momentarily hateful ones of my own mixed in there, but I knew I could never really hate my own brother. _Even if he hates me_, I bleakly thought.

I needed time to sort this all out. Right now I couldn't risk facing Raph… or any of my brothers for that matter. For once I didn't even want to talk to Sensei. I cringed at the thought, hoping he hadn't also been subjected to hearing our showdown too. I don't think I could even deal with one of Sensei's lectures right now. I know, call me a hypocrite, but if my speeches are bad, his are 100x worse.

"Hey, Leo? You there bro?" Don's hand slowly came into focus as he waced it in front of my face, trying to grab my attention. I blinked, "Um, sorry Don. Did you say something?" I asked.

He gave me a concerned look, "You were spacing out there for a second. You've been doing that more and more, are you alright?" he asked, moving to put his hand on my forehead to check my temperature.

"For the last time, Donnie. I'm fine." I said irritably, smacking his hand away.

He stared at me for a long time, causing me to squirm under his probing gaze. Finally, after a minute he reluctantly nodded, placing a hand on my shoulder before I could react. "Well, if you're ok, then are you ready to do that check-up now to analyze your…" his voice trailed away.

I tried holding in the yelp building in my throat as Don increased the pressure on my bruised shoulder. I could feel him tracing the unfamiliar dip in my bone from a particularly nasty dumbbell on the rack and willed myself not to flinch.

Finally couldn't take it anymore and as casually as I could tried to step out of my younger brother's crushing grip on my poor shoulder, but of course Doctor Don wasn't fooled. Before I could protest he dragged me out into the light so he could properly see me. I could feel see his gaze raking over each of my bruises, assessing each of them with a professional eye. He finally looked up at me, his gaze flaring in anger.

"Shell Leo," he breathed, "Did you substitute as Raph's punching bag or something?" I kept my eyes locked on a spot over Don's shoulder, refusing to look at him.

Suddenly I saw his eyes widen from the corner of my eye, "Leo…" he whispered, "Why is you mask wet?"

Confused, I brushed my fingers over my mask, finding it damp. I flinched, feeling the tear tracks already forming on the fabric. Disgust and self-loathing twisted within me as I clenched my teeth. _No, no, no! You can't let them see you like this!_ I thought. Overwhelmed, I felt my flight instinct begin to take over. _Gotta get out of here. NOW_.

I managed to yank myself out of Don's clutches and ran as fast as I could, desperately trying to put as much distance between me and Don's prying eyes.

I glanced back to see his mouth dropped open in utter shock like I'd just grown a second head. I felt my famous Leader's guilt squeeze my chest and immediately squashed the urge to run back and apologize to Don. _You can do that after you've cleared your head._ I thought to myself_, Just keep running…just keep running._

My feet automatically carried me to the Lair's back entrance. You know, the one Donnie said is only to be used in emergencies. _Sorry Don_, I thought, _I'm not one to normally bend the rules, but to me this definitely counts as an emergency_. I made a beeline towards the concealed doorway, praying I wouldn't run into any other hindering family members. But of course the world is quite literally always against all us poor mutant turtles.

Just as I skidded by the kitchen entrance Mikey walked out holding a scrap of paper. He quickly looked up at my approaching figure and grinned his famous you-know-you-can't-escape-my-little-brother-charm grin and he sauntered toward me. "Leo!" he called, "My favorite bro in all the universe! I was wondering if you could do your awesome lil' bro a solid and get some ingredients for dessert. The address is on the back—"

I snatched the paper out of my baby brother's unsuspecting hands before he could even finish, flipped over him, then bolted out of the Lair without another word.

I could still picture my last glimpse of the home, seeing Mikey's face flickering between surprise, confusion, and hurt. I couldn't help but think how much it mirrored Donnie's face only seconds ago. _I'm sorry, Michelangelo, Donatello, my little brothers._ I thought, as I splashed down the dark sewer tunnels. _But this is one time when I need to be alone._

-End Flashback **(finally done, *does happy dance*)**-

In those past 10 minutes, I hadn't even been able to scratch the surface of my conflicting emotions. I was shifting too quickly between anger, guilt, surprise, guilt, confusion, did I mention guilt?

"Ugh," I scoffed to myself, "I might as well be on Oprah or something." **(A/N - I'm sorry, but I just couldn't help myself)**

I shook my head to clear away my tangled thoughts and glanced down at Mikey's list. The address was nearby_. At least it gives me something to do._ I bitterly thought before setting off. I ran at a punishing brisk pace that burned my arms, my legs, my lungs, and everything in between. It reminded me of my constant training in the dojo.

Training always helped me. It made me focus on what I was doing and not have to worry about any future obligations I had as big brother and leader. It lifted that burden off my shoulder, if for a short time. But still the relief was welcome and I enjoyed it when I could.

Of course Raph always thought I was just training more to outdo him. After I was made Leader he always called me a perfectionist, simply trying to show off in front of Master Splinter. That was when we really started to drift apart.

_We used to be joined at the hip._ I thought, _and now we can't even be in the same room without fighting._ I sighed_. Sometimes I wonder if the cost of becoming Leader is worth it..._

I was so engrossed in my own internal monologue I didn't even sense the shuriken flying at my head until it practically grazed my skull. I backflipped to avoid it and landed behind some sheltered roofs, trying to conceal myself in the shadows.

Attempting to control my breathing, I immediately ran through a list of possible perpetrators. _Alright, you've probably faced worse than this, whatever "this" is. It can't be the Foot. They've broken up into their small factions after we made peace with Karai and none of them would be stupid enough to face us in direct combat. The Purple Dragons have also been keeping a low profile since Hun disappeared. Haven't seen Bishop around lately. It could be him but shurikens aren't really his style._ I shook my head, _I have to get out of here and warn my bros_. Pulling even further back into the shadows, I began making my way down to street level to escape through the nearest manhole.

Unfortunately my plan was sadly interrupted when a powerful punch came out of nowhere and cracked me right across the jaw. I flew about 5 feet back and crashed into ventilator before I crumpled to the ground. Dazed by the unexpected blow, I tenderly brushed my fingers over my throbbing cranium. _Well,_ I mused, wincing at the pain,_ I'm definitely gonna feel that in the morning_.

"I'm afraid that disappearing act won't work very well with us, old boy." A bodiless voice declared. Invisible hands grabbed my arms and dragged me out into the open before pinning me into the ground. _Foot tech ninjas_. I immediately thought and rolled my eyes, _Why not, it's not like this night can get any worse._

"Well well, if it isn't the famous Leonardo. Just the turtle I was looking for." The voice came again, a British accent tinting its words. "I must say it is a pleasure to finally meet you."

I did my best to glare at what sounded like the source of the voice before vehemently demanding, "And who would I have the 'pleasure' of being mauled by on this fine night?"

A quiet chuckle sounded that sent shivers all through my shell. "Such an amusing terrapin." The voice replied, "I dare say you have quiet a sense of humor in the face of possible death and destruction."

I scowled at where I assumed the voice's face to be. It let out another chuckle that sounded like nails on a chalkboard to me.

"Oh, but where are my manners. I forgot to introduce myself to you." A middle-aged man wearing a standard white lab coat slowly flickered into my vision. He was average height, with a sturdy strong figure and large round glasses perched on his slightly hooked nose. His hair was dark brown, curled around a slight balding spot. Overall he looked like the run of the mill college professors. Well, except for the foot symbol painted on the side pocket of his lab coat. And the knife.

He gazed down at me while pressing the said tanto against my throat, giving me a calculating look that reminded me of Stockman. Except as far as I could see he still had all his physical body parts where they should be. His mental parts? Yeah, not so much.

_Great, _I reasoned_. We finally take down the Shredder and another loony takes his place._

He peered at me with beady black eyes like I was some kind of bug in a jar he was studying. I shuddered. It made me want to jump into the Hudson River and scrub every inch of my skin raw. Yeah, that's how desperate I was.

Finally after studying me, he continued, "My name is Professor A.D. Dire. I wish our first meeting could be more cordial but this seemed to be the most…effective method to contact you."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure this is the start of a long and beautiful friendship." I shot back, channeling my inner Raph. Usually I don't taunt my enemies as much as my brothers, I like to go for the silent and deadly image. But I was running out of options here and angering your opponent leads to distractions and possible escape routes. Plus I had enough emotions to deal with, so directing it into sarcastic comments didn't hurt me either.

Dire narrowed his eyes at me but chose to ignore my remark, "Yes Leonardo, I am sure that we could get along quite well. Which is why I wanted to meet with you, to put some…ideas in perspective for you."

I snorted, "Nuh uh. Sorry Prof, I already heard the villain sap-story from the Shredder once, I'm not falling for it a second time."

"Ah," Dire interrupted, "But my proposition could be very beneficial for you, Leonardo. I ask you to simply listen to my terms, then you are free to go." He flashed me a smile that I'm sure would have had Hun running for his life. "And our little chat may help to protect three certain terrapins relatives currently wandering around the sewers below our very feet."

I quickly masked my churning emotions, giving him a blank look, "What relatives?"

He gave another chilling smile, "Let us not play games, Leonardo. I am speaking of your three younger brothers. I believe their names are Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo." He paused, "Oh and let us not forget your adopted father, Splinter."

I gritted my teeth at his words, "Fine, you may know about my family, but it's not as if you could find them." I smirked, thinking of Donnie's state of the art security systems. _They might as well try breaking into Fort Knox._

He returned my smug look, "Who said I needed to find them? I am a scientist, Leonardo. I can easily procure a toxin specified for those of terrapin and rodent ancestry. It would wipe out your fraternal siblings and father in only a matter of hours."

I clenched my fists and growled at him, "Don't you DARE hurt my family."

He gazed at me without even flinching, "Now let us not be too hasty, my friend. I am sure we can easily negotiate an agreement that could leave us all quiet content. But let us be civilized beings about this. Won't you please sit down?" It wasn't a question. He slowly pulled the knife back and gestured toward a ledge for me to sit down on. Of course even if the roofs seemed deserted I knew I was still undoubtedly surrounded by who knows how many Foot ninja. But at least the short journey allowed me to discreetly scope out some possible escape routes.

"I wouldn't think about that if I were you, old boy." Dire said without even glancing at me. "I may look like I just stepped out of a university's lecture hall, but trust me…." In one swift move he grabbed a tanto from a hidden sheath in his boot, turned and threw it at my heart. The knife would have skewered me into turtle shish kabob had I not used my honed ninja reflexes to dodge the blade. The Professor smiled his chilling smile, "…I know what I am doing." he finished before turning around and leading me and my invisible escorts over to the ledge.

_Well,__ the direct approach just went out the proverbial window._ I grimly thought before hesitatnly following him. _If he only wants me to listen to him and let me go, then my bros and I can lay low for a while until he moves on and we never have to see his sorry hide again._

I paused_, Of course, that's to say I probably shouldn't trust the word of a man who's already tried using me for target practice twice within the past 5 minutes._

Deciding to bide my time, I settled down on the ledge next to the madman, fuming silently. _Just because I'm 'listening' to what he has to say does not mean I have to be happy about it._ I thought back to a similar scene_. It reminds me of Raph's expression when I was lecturing him earlier, before…_and with that unwanted thought properly shoved to the back of my mind, I turned to face my 'dear friend' the Professor.

Dire must have taken my death-glare as a sign to continue as he began to speak, "As you have most likely guessed I am employed by the Foot." He smirked slightly, "I am currently the Head Scientist of our European operations."

I looked up at him, startled. _They have a European Branch?_ I thought, then cursed myself. _Of course they do. Shredder headed the American division. It is only logical that they have other headquarters all over the world. _

"As you know," he resumed, "our late associate the Shredder has been…disposed of by his kind and now exiled on some dreary far off asteroid." He sighed, "It is quite a shame. Oroku Saki used to be highly regarded throughout all the Foot organizations as the best of the best in his line of work. But since he met you terrapins he frankly became quite obsessed and, shall we say, lost his touch." He shook his head like he was discussing a cancelled TV show, " Such a pity."

"This is all very fascinating." I said sardonically, "But what does it have to do with me and my brothers?"

He looked up in surprise "Leonardo my friend, it has everything to do with you." He paused, giving me a teeth-chattering smile, "Your defeat of the Shredder was so unexpected it caught the interest of my employers. They have sent me here to study you. I believe the American expression would be, 'to see what makes you tick.'"

I snorted, "Sorry Prof, but you'll have to get in line. I already have enough government agents and mad scientists chasing me around trying to cut me into itty bitty turtle bits."

I gave him my famous cold-hearted gaze that has sent it's fair amount of Purple Dragons scurrying home, "If you want to dissect me, do it. But you are forbidden from EVER harming a hair on their heads." _Well, technically we don't have hair. But I think the initial message still holds. _I winced,_ I'm sorry Mike and Donny,…and Raph, I wish I could apologize for all the cruel things I said to you_. I held back the sadness threatening to overwhelm me. _I know you'll make a great leader._

"My dear fellow," Dire interrupted, "I'm afraid you are quite mistaken. I am not here with you tonight to drag you down to one of my labs."

My head snapped up. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion, "Well what other way would you try to find out 'what makes us tick'?" I hissed.

His lips quirked into a disturbing half-smile "Let me rephrase my sentence. I am not here to capture and dissect you _tonight_. However after this meeting has come to pass my scientists and soldiers will immediately begin combing the area for your family. Once we do find you, we will bring you back to my labs and test your physical, mental, and emotional limits quite mercilessly."

"You bastard." I shouted, flinging aside all sense of decorum to lunge at what I thought to be Satan's own spawn only to be stopped by multiple unseen hands that roughly grabbed and shoved me back down into a sitting position.

Dire continued unabashed, "In spite of this, I am giving you, Leonardo, the chance to avoid this fate." He looked me in the eye, "You are the leader of your brothers. The warrior, strategist, and big brother all rolled into one. You have shone almost unmatched skill in your battles against the Shredder and his various incarnations. Ergo the council has recognized this and allowed me to give you the once in a lifetime chance to join us."

I stopped my struggling, my mouth hanging open in utter shock at the absurdity of his statement, "What?" I choked out.

"Yes Leonardo," Dire declared, "You are being given the opportunity to join the proud Foot clan." He smirked at me, "You would have a high position in our organization. With your skills you could one day be one of its leading members. Despite your…"he briefly raked his gaze over my form. "…distinctive physical characteristics."

"What about my family." I demanded, undeterred, "Would you only then leave them alone?"

He cocked his head, "I'm afraid that would be impossible. I still have orders from my superiors to investigate your unique capabilities. And even if you joined our people you alone could not give me enough data to draw any solid conclusions.

"But," he added, "you would be completely spared from any of my experiments and could potentially gain quite a bit of power and respect from some of the most influential figures around the world.

"So what do you say, Hamato Leonardo." He concluded, giving me an unsettling grin, "I believe the phrase is 'are you with us or against us?'."

Once I got over the shock of the very idea of me mixing with the Foot, I felt a rage start to uncurl in my belly that felt truly Raph worthy. "You filthy," I began, "despicable, conniving, obsessive son of a bitch!" I hissed. "Unlike you, I protect my honor and would never EVER betray my family." I spat in his face, "I'll join you when hell freezes over."

**(A/N: I know, not very Leo like, but when Leo's emotional and broody I find he tends to get a little Raph-like, ergo I'm letting him cut loose a little here)**

I saw a flash of anger in the Professor's eyes that was quickly masked as he slowly pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe the spittle off.

He stared at me for a moment before finally speaking. "I'm sorry that we could not come to an agreement, Leonardo." Dire calmly stated, "I would like you to remember that that was your only chance at freedom."

He faced me, an arrogant smile tugging the corners of his mouth, "Oh and thank you ever so much for the DNA sample you have given me. It shall be the first to be tested in my experiments."

He stood up and slowly began to walk away from the ledge without a second glance. _Well_, I thought, _He's either going to:_

_a) let me go (doubtful), _

_b) Drag me back to his lab to do who knows what (more likely), or _

_c) Kill me (even though the bastard gave his word). Let's hope he's at least honorable enough to retain his promises. _

Immediately Dire snapped his fingers and barked in Japanese, "Ashi ninja wa, kame o korosu."

My eyes widened in horror at his words, _Foot ninja, kill the turtle._

Suddenly over a hundred foot ninja materialized around me, overflowing onto the neighboring roofs. I cursed, _so much for keeping his word._ I quickly took care of the foot ninja already holding me down before drawing my familiar twin katanas.

_Well my old friends_, I thought squeezing my hands against the leather handles, _We've been through a lot together over these past few years. Let us at least end this battle together in an honorable death._

With a war cry I know would have made Mikey proud, I leapt into battle. I struck, kicked, dodged, whatever I could do to avoid the deadly fists, feet, and weapons all aimed at me. By this point I was cutting down bodies without even a second thought. Even when the niggling guilt rose in the back of my mind I quickly squashed it, thinking of their dishonorable methods for which they deserved Death.

_I will grieve for all the carnage I have caused later_, I thought_. I will suffer all the consequences Master Splinter may give me for bringing about such a massacre._ I paused, feeling the tears already welling in my eyes, _I simply want to find my brothers and protect them from this new evil. Their safety matters more than all the Foot ninja in the world._

Even with the corpses piling high in my wake I could already feel my strength beginning to wane. The battle was tiring me and I could feel a familiar pain beginning to lance through my chest. _Damnit, not now!_ I screamed to myself, _anytime but now!_ Slowed by the increasing pain across my torso, I barely dodged three shurikens all aimed at my head.

Pain suddenly flashed in the back of my skull like fireworks as a bo staff caught me in the back of the head, right on the bruise from my earlier run in with the ventilator. _What a cheap shot_, I thought before crumpling to the ground. I held my head groaning at the sharp throbbing before I felt a tanto again pressed against my throat, pushing against my aorta.

I looked up to meet the glittering mad eyes of Professor Dire. "And now we end this, Leonardo." He declared, raising the tanto above his head. "I believe you once beheaded the Shredder in an attempt to kill him. Now I shall return the favor." He laughed hysterically like it was the best joke in the world, before regaining an eerily calm countenance. "And now," he exclaimed with a frenzied gleam in his eyes, "It is time for you to die, old boy!"

"NOOOOO!" a guttural scream tore through the air from behind me, so primal and emotional it left shivers all through my shell. The whole scene immediately froze like a still-life painting as everyone's eyes turned to where the cry had come from. I craned my neck to catch sight of the source before my eyes widened in shock. _This can't be happening..._

**Gotta love cliffhangers...I hate reading 'em, but I sure love writing 'em!**

**Alright, down to business. Let me put this bluntly - Leo's gonna kick the bucket soon (I'm sorry to all sensitive Leo-lovers out there, but it's gonna happen). BUT WAIT! DON'T GET OUT YOUR MOB TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS YET! Leo may be d-e-a-d soon, but he is still present in the story (For now I will leave this statement to your imaginations...). And yes, there is still a 99.99% guaranteed happy ending. **

**So, on from my ramblings - I want a vote on what's the best way for Leo to go (yes, I just went there): **

**1. In battle in the arms of one of his brothers (probably Raph)**

**2. In the Lair's infirmary during a severe...incident (nope, still not telling you what's wrong with Leo, but it's coming up soon)**

**3. In his sleep (possibly surrounded by his brothers)**

**4. Any other option you can think of (I welcome all T-rated or under possibilities with open arms)**

**Alright, so crack your knuckles and get typing (please no horrible insults or flames, I know I seem quite morbid right now...BUT IT'S GONNA GET BETTER!)**


	4. Ch 4 - Traipsing Terrors

**Alrighty, sorry about the long wait! Again I apologize for the abhorrent way I have portrayed Raph's accent.**

DISCLAIMER: Nope, still don't have them in my clutches (yet).

**Chapter 4: Traipsing Terrors **(A/N - I know, it's random. Blame my sleep-deprived mind)

6:00 PM – The Rooftops

RAPH:

I have ta say, I've seen some terrifyin' tings in ma day-to-day mutant life. I've befriended a giant mutant crocodile, gone toe ta toe wit' an alien blob named afta a cookin' utensil, battled wit' and against superhuman clones, stolen a spacecraft (twice) from an alien dinosaur dictator…ya name it, we've done it.

But this one sure as hell takes the cake.

Leo, ma big bro, was kneelin' on tha ground in front o' some Stockman wannabe, wit' no weapons or escape routes in sight. Da Foot were swarmin' round him like bees to honey, more in one place than I've eva seen. And trust me, I've seen ma fair share of Foot.

_I thought they were supposed to have broken up afta Karai stepped down_, I bitterly thought, _Looks like their bosses back in Japan decided ta make a comeback._

However my main focus quickly shifted to the gleamin' tanto poised just o'er ma bro's exposed throat.

And that was what terrified meh the most.

Yeah, I said it. I was fucking scared out of my shell. I could already feel the panic creepin' inta tha back of ma mind, fillin' me wit' deep feelings of horror and dread that curled round ma heart and squeezed ma lungs til I could barely breath.

For once, anger was not tha overrulin' emotion in ma mind or heart.

It was fear. Pure paralyzin' fear.

But that didn't last long. The rage soon came, quickly sweepin' through my body from my head, to my toes, to my twirlin' sais tips.

If I felt angry with Leo before, the primal fury coursin' through my veins made earlier seem like a birthday party. I wouldn't be surprised if ma eyes had started glowing red or somethin'. It felt like I'd stepped outta ma body to watch the show, allowin' someone else to take over. Someone capable of anger beyond even ma usual temper.

And trust me, he definitely wouldn't have any mercy fer these bastards stupid enough ta threaten my brother. Ninja honour or no.

I hoped some of these Foot soldiers would have enough sanity to take cover cause there would be no force in tha high heavens strong enough to keep me from ma big bro.

For a few seconds we all kinda stared at each other. Me at da Foot, particularly on the geek holding the knife on Leo, and da Foot at me. Ya know, all 100 Foot soldiers with meh in their bug-eye sights. But that didn't last long.

I'm guessing the son of a bitch wearing the lab coat was the leader, since he started callin' out orders.

"Kame o kyapucha shimasu. Deddōāraibu." He calmly stated while pointin' at me. Now I'm a little rusty with my Japanese, not as good as Splinter Jr. over there, but I'm pretty sure he said somethin' bout capturing me dead or alive.

_Oh, he'll capture me alright,_ I grimly thought, flexing my hands over the familiar leather sais handles, _When he's pried these sais from ma cold, dead, green fingers._ I've never been one to back down from fights, even wit' Fearless orderin' a retreat. And I sure as shell wasn't gonna start now.

Barin' ma teeth in a snarl, I charged in without a second thought, hackin' my way through the Foot crowdin' round me. Hit. Twist. Block. Turn. Slide. Split Kick. Stab. Repeat. A well-practiced rhythm for me that I now channeled wit' every fiber of ma bein' as I moved towards my brother…inch by agonizin' inch.

But of course these Foot soldiers were like cockroaches or somethin'. They just kept comin' and comin' know matta how many times you knocked 'em down. I already knew by the uniforms that these were our very favorite Foot tech ninja and snorted, _How else would they be able ta sneak up on ma big bro. _Some were already fiddlin' with the dials on their uniforms, tryin' ta go inta stealth mode. _Like hell ya will, ya bastards_, I thought and pressed my attack.

While I was dealin' with these bozos I quickly snuck a glance o'er at ma bro. I could see him desperately tryin' to turn his head without decapitating himself to see what was going on. I briefly locked eyes with 'im and could see all the emotions he was tryin' ta convey in one look: surprise, guilt, anger, guilt, grief, guilt, enough with guilt already Fearless! …and I thought I saw a flicker of love burnin' beneath it all, giving me the strength to keep pushing, keep fighting for my older brother.

I couldn't help but smirk a little, _Geez, who knew I could get so mushy in tha middle of a fight._ But this is my brother, my only big brother, who I was fightin' tooth and nail for. He was my leader and despite how much I deny it, I would follow him. And when I got us both outta here I would swallow ma ego and tell him that. Not to mention apologize o'er and o'er to him bout earlier til his ears bled.

I paused fer a brief second. The bodies were already pilin' up round me, some moaning, some unconscious, some…not lookin' like they won't be gettin' up again. I felt the guilt begin tricklin' into me and quickly shoved it back, _Who'm I, Fearless? I'll worry bout the crappy remorse later. Right now ma priority's ta get Leo outa here still in one piece. _

I glanced o'er over at ma bro again. That bastard with the lab-coat still had a tanto pressed against his throat and was watchin' the battle with beady eyes that reminded meh of a vulture or somethin'. I felt like I was under a spotlight tha way his gaze raked over me and couldn't help but shudder. _Remind meh ta roll in some bleach and antiseptic when I get home._

Suddenly a kick caught me in the ribs, causin' me to stumble back close to the ledge. I could hear my bro call out in warnin' as my heels brushed o'er the edge, but I quickly caught ma balance and I snarled as I ran a count on their numbers. _Great_, I sarcastically thought, _Now I'm turnin' into a combination of Leo and Don. What the shell is this world comin' ta._

I quickly ran ma eyes over the roof fer a ninja head count and inwardly cursed. _There're still too many, _I thought and scoffed_, and I'll bet ma bike these boys in black have called fer backup by now_. I paused, weighin' ma options._ I love a good head bustin' as much as the next hothead, but even I can't take on all da Foot in New York at once._

I tensed as they closed in, preparin' for round two and tightened the grip on ma precious sais, _Well, at least if I go down, I go down in a fight tryin' to protect ma family._ I glanced o'er at Leo who was starin' at me with absolute horror on his face. He probably had come to a similar conclusion. I closed my eyes briefly and gathered myself and opened them to nod at ma bro, tryin' to channel all the feelings of love and regret I could toward him_. I'm sorry bro_, I desperately thought, _I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me fer everythin' I've done ta ya. _I dodged a shuriken aimed at ma heart and quickly refocused ma attention on the bozos slowly surrounding me. I growled and drew myself inta a defense position, ready to fight 'till ma blood painted all corners of this rooftop.

Suddenly a shout rang across the roofs. "Hōrudo. Watashi no shingō o machimasu." We (yeah, even da Foot were surprised) all turned to see the bastard holdin' Leo hostage slowly movin' toward us while repeating the order.

I personally couldn't make heads or tails of what he was blabberin' on about, but at least it made da Foot back off a few feet. I wasn't sure whether to whoop in celebration or dread that something worse may be coming.

The son of a bitch soon was standing only 10 feet away from me. He forced Fearless down on his knees and continued pressin' the tanto into his neck, then finally looked up at me and spoke, "Ah, you must be Raphael. I've read in the reports that you do have a rather violent way of fighting and you have not disappointed tonight."

The Doc stared at me like he was taking careful notes in his head to store away for later. It kinda reminded me of Don, 'cept his eyes were not the kind and gentle eyes my younger brother possessed. His eyes were black, cold and calculatin', like a shark. I repressed a shudder, _Come on, ya can't let them see ya scared. Ya have ta remain strong and get Leo outta here._ So I took my typical short-tempered approach.

Keepin' ma defense pose in case one of da Foot soliders got lil' 'shuriken-happy' I snarled, "Let go of my brother you sick son of a bitch or I'll stick my sais where the sun sure don't shine."

The man simply cocked his head, completely unfazed by my threat. I growled, _What kinda sicko is this? He ain't even scared of me? Not that I gotta swelled head, but a snarlin' 5 foot bipedal ninja turtle should leave any sane person running fer their lives_. I scoffed_, Looks like we've got a new loony on tha' block._

"I'm afraid that proposition would be highly disagreeable for both of us, Raphael." He finally replied. His voice sounded funny, like he'd walked out of a James Bond movie or somethin'. _I'm bettin' he's one of those classic mad scientists who just can't wait to cut us inta turtle soup._ I growled inwardly, W_ell sorry ta rain on yer parade, but it ain't gonna happen._

I merely glared at him, "'Fraid ya lost me, Doc. I don't see how getting' ma bro outta yer clutches don't benefit me."

I swear the temperature dropped bout 10 degrees when he smiled, "Ah, but I'm afraid you missed the earlier conversation Leonardo and I were having." I narrowed my eyes as he continued, "You see, I simply ask to take Leonardo with me for some…tests. Oh don't worry," he added when I growled at his statement, "You would be free to leave and the rest of your family would remain quite safe in your home down in the sewers." I couldn't helpt but flinch at his words, _He knows bout Donnie, Mikey and Sensei? _I thought, and paused as his whole statment sunk in_, Shell, he even knows where we live._

"In short," he concluded, "If you leave Leonardo with me without any attempts at rescue, I would guarantee you and your family's safety." He smirked at me, "What will you do, Raphael? Will you put your whole family in harm's way or keep them safe while sealing another's doom." He looked me in the eye, "The choice is yours."

Damn, I hate dilemmas I was torn. I wanted to protect my family, clear and simple, but I couldn't allow the bastard to take away Leo. He's our leader, our big brother, the glue that helps to hold our family together. I closed my eyes, _I can risk Fearless' anger and put the whole family in danger, or make sure they're safe and live with the guilt fer the rest of ma life._

I opened my eyes and caught Leo's gaze. His eyes were widened in shock, signaling that Doc here had probably laid out some different terms while he and Fearless were chatting. _Seems like the bastard has no problem breaking his promises_, I grimly thought, _So I don't even know if he would actually leave us alone even if he took Leo with him._ I smiled, but it didn't reach ma eyes. _Then I definitely have an answer for the Doc._

I turned my glare full force at the son of a bitch, "Never, you bastard. In this family it's no turtle left behind. So hand over ma bro afore I make you."

He raised an eyebrow and simply stared down at me. I tensed, _Alright hothead, be ready for anythin'_. I thought, _There's no tellin' what the bastard may do._

He finally answered, "Ah, so touching to see such a close-knit family. But even between family members there are secrets. And even they can tear the closest family apart." He gave me another chillin' smile and looked down at Fearless, "Come now, Leonardo. I'm sure your brother would love to hear what you've been keeping from your whole family."

I narrowed my eyes, _Secrets?_ _No one in our family can keep a secret wit' three nosy bros and a Sensei that can smell a lie a mile away. And Leo's honest as the day is long. He would never keep a secret from us. We know everying' bout each other._

"Oh don't be shy, Leonardo." The Doc persisted, smirking at me. "When were you going to tell them about the stage 3 heart cancer?"

…'cept that…

**Dun, dun, dun, DUUUUN. I know, I am so evil. The next chapter should be up an running soon!**

**Meanwhile, feel free to rant about the unfairness of my cliffhangers in the review text box...**


	5. Ch 5 - A Gorosuke's Vigilance

Hello! I have returned...

Sorry it's taken FOREVER to get this chapter posted, but now I've got this and a few more chapters lined up for editing and ready to be posted within the next couple of days (Hooray!)

DISCLAIMER: Only when I've taken over the world (mwahahahaaaa...)

Aniki - Big Brother

Gorosuke - Owl

Otouto - Little Brother

**Chapter 5 - A Gorosuke's Vigilance**

6:15 PM - The Rooftops

LEO:

Secrets are heavy burdens, more onerous than even the ones I have born as leader of my brothers. And trust me, it's a heavy load to put your brothers in the line of danger on a daily basis to protect those who don't even know that we exist.

As the famous French poet Jean de la Fontaine once wrote, "Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret."

But when I learned about my condition, I knew that this is the one secret I must keep from my family, however overwhelming the physical, mental, and the emotional pain is to look them in the eye knowing I am hiding something from my friends, my brothers, even my father and Sensei. But it is my burden to bear and I planned to take my knowledge to the literal grave if it is to keep them from also suffering under it's heavy hand.

Of course I had no way in shell predicted that Professor Dire would also learn about my illness. How the psychopath even found out about it is beyond me, though I wouldn't be surprised with all the times they've captured us that they would've gained at least a little medical knowledge about their friendly neighborhood bipedal turtles.

Whatever the reason, I felt as if my already wounded heart had broken even more under those few words that revealed my betrayal to my own family.

A hand pressed down onto my injured shoulder and squeezed, making me gasp at the pain.

"Oh tut, tut, Leonardo." He said, smirking down at me. "You thought you could hide something like that from me. Even the greatest warriors have their weaknesses." He increased the pressure on my shoulder, making me bite down on my lip to keep a scream from slipping out. Black spots were beginning to dance in front of my eyes.

"Let's see," he continued, "at this point your blood pressure should be increasing, with a constant fever, difficulty in breathing, heart murmurs, swelling…my goodness it's a miracle you haven't yet had a stroke."

I thought I heard Raph's breath catch at those words and winced. _Yeah_, I sardonically thought, _you don't have to remind me, Doc. I've already got a mountain of guilt and shame already doing that for me. _I still couldn't even find the courage to look Raph in the eye and gauge his reaction. Me, the "Fearless Leader" couldn't even face my own brother.

My brother Hamato Raphael: second oldest, unofficial leftenant, and the biggest pain in the shell you'll ever meet. But despite his attitude, one thing that I have always admired about Raph is that passion, the fire you can always see in his eyes. Whether it be facing 100 foot ninjas, chasing Mikey around the room in a prank-induced rage, or simply protecting friends and family in one way or another, Raph's got enough determination and strength to last lifetimes. When we were kids he was always my inspiration to never give up, to give it 110% no matter what. Even today as leader I still use him as my strength to lead this team to victory, although his attitude still drives me up the wall.

A sharp pain pierced through my shoulder like an arrow as Dire roughly shook me, "Now, now my terrapin friend, short attention span is not listed as a symptom of your…condition." He cocked his head, "At this rate the consistent sharp pains in you chest will soon spread, causing you to lose control of your body. You really don't have much time, Leonardo."

I felt the pain lessen slightly as he loosened his grip and turned to look over at someone else, assumedly a certain red-banded turtle. _Oh great, is it story time now?_ But despite the outspoken and scarily Raph-like attitude I was adopting, I felt the familiar fear and guilt pulling at my heartstrings.

_Not as if I got much to lose_, I thought bitterly, but shook myself out of my thoughts. _He's still my brother and I will always love and protect him, even….even if he doesn't feel the same._

I felt myself fading in and out a little as the black spots in front of my eyes soon turned to swirling checkerboards. I could only hear half of what Dire was saying, catching words like, "cancer…DNA…Stockman…Utrom tech…sacrifice…no choice…big brother…"

"…and you know that Leonardo's oldest brother instincts are also his downfall. Isn't that right Leonardo?"

I finally found the courage to look up at Raph, to meet those burning amber eyes. They were not filled with the hatred and disgust that I had expected, but could only see the love and regret that he sent out to me, giving me strength.

And in that moment, I felt a brief flicker of hope that dared to let myself believe that maybe his hurtful words had not been true.

But soon agony erased all my thoughts and focus as the pain throbbed, drawing a fog-like cloud over my mind that slowed my thoughts and dulled my body's strength. I was enveloped by the sudden urge to lie down and take a nice long nap but soon angrily shoved the thought away. _Pull yourself together_, I berated myself. _You've got one brother captured and about 100 ninjas surrounding you with friends on the way. You're the leader and big brother, you can't fail them…dammnit, you can't fail them…_

I glanced over at Raph. I could see his mouth moving, forming silent words that we haven't uttered since we were kids. "Daisuki desu, aniki" he whispered._ I love you, big brother. _Those words summoned an inner strength within me that pulled me away from the teetering brink of unconsciousness.

"Can't fail…" I muttered before pulling myself onto my knees and leveling Dire with my best death glare. "If you want me, you got me." I growled, "Dead or alive, I don't care. But leave my family out of this."

He raised one hairy eyebrow. "I would not say you are the one to make demands, Leonardo. Especially considering I now have another one of your terrapin brothers. Oh, I'm afraid the stakes have changed and the deal is most definitely off. However I still respect you as a warrior Leonardo and so I will make this simple."

In one swift move Dire pulled the kunai from my neck and drove it deep down between the plates of my upper plastron, directly over my heart. Pain exploded from my chest, radiating outward until my whole body was enveloped in agony. I could hear a muffled scream…it sounded like me, but I couldn't be sure. All I could see was Dire's sneering face looking down on me. He leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"…I wonder what will kill you now, Leonardo? Your defective heart, already sickened by the cancer? Will our body shut down from the blood loss? Maybe you'll go into shock? Could I have pierced something fatally important? Who knows, the possibilities are endless." He spat on me, "Forgive me for my crude methods, but I believe the saying is 'an eye for an eye.'" He threw me down on the ground like a ragdoll. "Be grateful, old boy, for you will not live to see your family's suffering at my hands."

Dire backed off a few feet while barking orders to Foot soldiers before he stepped onto the roof edge and looked back at me. "Farewell Leonardo. I only wish we could have been on the same side of the battlefield."

And with that he was gone, the Foot trailing in his wake before they disappeared all together.

I turned my head slightly, looking around for any more enemies in sight. Luckily it seemed they'd all gone off with Dire, leaving Raph and me behind like scraps for the dogs.

_RAPH!_ Immediately I struggled to sit up, holding a hand to my chest in a desperate attempt to staunch the blood while I searched for my brother.

"Raph?...Raph!…Hamato Raphael, you'd better be okay or I'll never let you out of the lair for as long as I live…RAPH!" I tried to shout but my voice merely came out a croak.

I felt my vision beginning to cloud, masking the sharp pain that throbbed from my chest and spread through my entire body. I staggered, trying to right myself as waves of dizziness washed over me. I shook myself in an attempt to clear my head and quickly scanned the rooftops, desperately searching for my brother.

_Don't tell me that madman took him._ Panic seized me, squeezing the air from my lungs 'til I could barely breathe. I was close to hyperventilating before I saw a limp green hand peeking behind a large chimney on the far side of the rooftop.

"RAPH!" I shouted and scrambled over to him as fast as I could without spilling too much blood. The dizziness made a strong comeback but I pushed the feeling away. There would be a time to dramatically pass out from either the pain or blood loss later. Right now my brother was my priority.

He was unconscious when I reached him, but still breathing. I let out the breath I hadn't even known I was holding and began examining him for wounds. Mostly minor cuts and bruises, except for the nasty large purple bruise on the back of his head. I noticed the debris surrounding his body and glanced up to see and identical mark on the chimney _Looks like they through him into it._ I winced at the thought. _Raph may have a hard head, but even that has it's limits._

I grabbed some bandages from my emergency med kit and quickly wrapped his worst cuts to staunch the bleeding, then used the remainder to pad his head to prevent any jostling from worsening the wound.

Raph let out a low groan as I eased his head back down onto the ground and I quickly grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry little bro," I murmured, "I know it hurts. I'm gonna call Donnie and he'll fix you up so you'll be bashing heads again by the end of the week."

He moaned again and began shifting around like he was having a nightmare. I quickly caught the back of his head before it smacked against the rooftop. _I gotta protect his head._ I immediately thought and quickly pulled his head onto my lap to help cushion the wound.

His thrashing eased a bit as I pulled him closer, one hand curled around his plastron to protect him front the biting wind that was beginning to blow across the rooftops, the other gently placed on his forehead, rubbing soothing circles on his temple.

"It's okay Raphael." I whispered, "I'm right here. I'll protect you, my little brother." It reminded me of the words Master Splinter would say when comforting us after a nightmare. _I'll protect you, my sons._ He would always sing a Japanese lullaby to comfort us, and now the words came unbidden to my tongue as I began to sing:

**Mori no fukuro ga iimashita  
watashi wa mori no mihari yaku**

_The forest owl said  
I am the guardian of the forest_

**kowai okami, kitsune nado  
kosasenai kara ne ne shina**

_fearsome wolves and kitsune and the like  
won't be allowed to come near, so sleep, sleep_

**gorosuke ho ho  
gorosuke ho**

I repeated the song twice more, keeping my voice soft and soothing until Raph's movements quieted. His breathing eased as he gradually slipped into a deep sleep. I sighed in relief, glad to bring my brother some sort of comfort.

_He probably has a concussion, judging by that dent in the chimney_ I worriedly thought and glanced down at his sleeping face_. I know you shouldn't let someone sleep if they have one, but I don't want to wake him and cause him more pain._

I finally decided it was probably best to keep him conscious and tried nudging him and shaking him. "Raph," I murmured, "Come one Raph, please wake up. Mikey says he's going to flush your sais down the toilet if you don't get up…RAPH!" I begged him, I threatened him, I bribed him, I implored him, but he still wouldn't wake up.

I ignored the throbbing pain in my chest and leaned odwn to rest my forehead against his. "You've just gotta wake up, otouto. How else will I tell you I forgive you..."

The way that he had looked at me during the battle now left me beyond a shadow of a doubt Raph loved me as much as I loved him. Now all we had to do was formally "kiss and make up" as Mikey would say...a chance we would never get if Raph never opened those fiery amber eyes again.

_Don will know what to do_ I immediately thought and reached for my shell cell, _Now that Raph's settled down, best call him._

I opened the pocket down had designed on our belts to keep them only to find nothing. _How can that be?_ I desperately thought, _I always check I have my shell cell before I leave._ _Did I drop in the fight? Or… _Then it hit me. In my haste to get out of the Lair I'd left it in the corner of the dojo where'd I'd thrown it before confronting Raph_. _

_Great_, I sardonically thought, _the one time you don't come fully prepared like how you always tell Raph to…RAPH!_

I quickly leaned over him trying to reach the pocket of his belt where I prayed he'd remembered to put his shell cell in before coming topside. _Come on Raph,_ I desperately thought, _Please be a boy scout just this once…Yes!_

I triumphantly held up the recovered shell cell but pulled back into a sitting position too quickly, causing a flash of white hot pain to echo through my chest. I hugged my self, trying to literally keep my sides from splitting and stifled my groans so as not to disturb my unconscious brother.

_I've gotta contact Don NOW._ I thought as the pain continued to throb, spreading from my torso to my limbs to my head, pounding like a base drum.

I flipped open my shell cell and fumbled at the numbers as I dialed before pressing the green go button.

The phone rang once…twice…three times…

"Come on, Don." I muttered impatiently, "Don't let this be the one time you leave your shell cell lying around…"

I was beginning to lose hope after the fifth ring 'til…"Hello? Raph?" A familiar sophisticated voice answered that almost made me want to cry with relief.

"Hey Don," I replied, "It's Leo. Listen I…"

"Leo?" Don interrupted, confusion echoing in his voice. "What are you doing with Raph's shell cell?"

"Never mind that." I answered, "I need your help. Raph's hurt bad from a Foot ambush. We need you here now – Ah!"

Another flash of agony ripped through me…the base drum in my head continued to pound harder and faster. The black spots soon made a reappearance…

"Leo?" Don answered, his voice sounded panicked. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

I gritted my teeth against the pain. "Just hurry." I answered, "I can't get Raph to wake up. I think it's a concussion..."

I heard some shouting and movement in the background before Don returned to the phone in full Doctor mode. "Alright Leo," he began, "I need a brief summary of all visible injuries and symptoms…INCLUDING YOURS." he emphasized. "Don't you dare take the big brother route and try to hide your wounds. Otherwise I won't know what sufficient supplies to bring to help either of you."

I sighed, but couldn't help but smile a little at Doctor Don's reprimanding tone. "Raph has a lot of cuts and bruises but they're all minor. I've…Ah!...bandaged the worst ones, but his head's got a massive bruise, I think he got thrown into a chimney…Mmmph!"

The pain was throbbing across my body now. I couldn't feel anything but the aching agony coursing from chest down to each limb. The base drum pounded with biting force and I could see the black spots beginning to darken and spread into splotches obscuring my vision.

"Yes?" Don prompted, I could hear rustling in the background, probably gathering up his med kit. "And what about you?"

"I…" I hesitated, "kinda…maybe…sorta got stabbed." I finished in as nonchalant tone as I could manage. _Please don't freak out…please don't freak out…please don't freak out…. _I prayed.

I heard a pause in the background rustling. "Brother dearest." Doctor Don answered in a light and conversational tone that made me grimace with dread. "I don't think I heard you correctly. Might you have said that you got STABBED?" He shouted, "YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT IN THE VERY BEGINNING! BUT NO, YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE BIG BROTHER AND PRETEND YOU'RE FINE AND MAKE US ALL WORRY AND…"

"Donatello." I interrupted using my calming voice; "You are free to chew me out all you want later. But right now Raph's out of commission. And I…" I winced at the throbbing pain, "…I'm not sure how long I can remain conscious."

That got his attention. "I'm tracking you now. We'll be there in 10 minutes. But Leo, you've gotta stay awake. You hear me? Come on Leo, you've gotta talk to me…Leo?...Leo!...Mikey, get your shell over here now!...LEONARDO!"

The black splotches continued to swirl around and around and around…I felt the phone drop from my limp fingers, but I was too tired to care. The pain was overwhelming, a constant throbbing ache that left me limp and unable to move. I wanted to scream, but my mouth wouldn't work. I held up a shaky hand in front of my face. _Huh?_ I thought to myself. _Since when did I have nine fingers?_ My vision was darkening. I could feel the numbing relief of unconsciousness creeping into the back of my mind and my last thought was to fling an arm across Raph to protect him before I surrendered to the blackness.

That was the last time I ever saw the outside world with my own eyes.

**N.B. - Here's a link to the lullaby that Leo sings to Raph: **

**Listen to it if you want to get more in the "mood" (NOT sexually, you perverts) reading this story...**

**And if you'd be so kind, drop a quick comment in the review box for your dear hardworking author :)**


	6. Ch 6 - Just Hold On

**Greetings! I don't have much to say, but as a look to the future, be prepared...death is imminent (with a 99.99% guaranteed happy ending)...**

**Enjoy :)**

DISCLAIMER: Shocking, but true...

**Chapter 6: Just Hold On...**

6:30 pm – New Battle shell

MIKEY:

You know how when you're like a kid, you somehow end up with this one irrational fear that you can't shake no matter what? Leo's was heights, Raph hated bugs, Donnie never could stand germs, stuff like that.

When I was little, I was scared of the dark.

I know, the big brave Battle Nexus Champion scared without a night-light? It seems almost laughable, which is exactly what Raph did when he overheard me admit it to Sensei soon after we got our masks. Yeah, I realize that the shadows are a ninja's best friend and all that so it's kinda hard to be "one with the darkness" when you're terrified of it. It always felt like the blackness was closing in on me, like a pack of Foot ninjas, except this enemy I couldn't see. And that scared me more than anything.

So of course after Raphie found out, being the little meanie turtle that he is, for weeks he would turn off the lights at random intervals just to make me scream and dive behind the nearest object in sight. Even though I got my revenge by tying fake spiders above his bed while he was sleeping, I still felt ashamed that I could be scared of something as seemingly lame as the dark. At least Leo's, Raph's, and Donnie's fears have some sort of merit to them. But the dark can't actually hurt you, right? Of course, there could be something creeping up behind you, hidden by the cloak of blackness and you can't see it before it's too late and…oh shell, I'm thinking about it again.

And when Raphie blurted it out to the whole family at the dinner table about how much of a baby I was for "jumping at stupid shadows", I got most of the typical reactions. Donnie went off on a whole sciency rant on photons and how well turtles can see in the dark while Master Splinter told me to meditate and the solution would come to me. Since I don't speak geek and sitting still for hours on end has never been my strong suit, nothing seemed to be working for me.

But Leo was the one who helped me to overcome that fear. One night after a particularly nerve-wracking attempt to sleep, I'd given in to my cowardice and fled to Leo's bed. After pouncing on my startled big bro and sobbing in his arms for about half an hour, he told me he wanted to show me something.

Since we were getting older and as you know mutant turtles have an insatiable curiosity, Master Splinter had finally allowed us to leave the Lair and explore by ourselves as long as we didn't go topside and stayed away from certain dangerous areas. Not to mention he kept us to a strict curfew which was punishable by two weeks of bathroom cleaning if broken, a fate worse than death if you asked me. Raphie's done it enough times and even the tough turtle looks greener than usual when coming outta that wasteland after a few hours of scrubbing. So I've always toed the line on that rule.

But I guess Leo's role as leader and perfect pupil has a few quirks since he managed to sneak us both out without any brothers or Sensei pouncing at us outta the shadows. _Those dark, scary looking, evil, possibly turtle-eating shadows_…I was practically crushing Leo hand in my grip as he slowly led me down those dark tunnels…

After walking for a while he told me to close my eyes, which after a moment's hesitation I complied. _He's my big bro_, I thought, _He'll protect me from those big meanie shadows_.

Leo guided me around for about five minutes until we finally stopped. I could feel a brisk wind blowing against my skin and snaking around my shell and shivered at the new sensation.

"Ok Mikey," Leo told me softly, "You can open your eyes now."

Slowly I peeked under my eyelids and saw we were in this huge open area in the sewers with all these tunnels in-ter-secc-ing here. I turned my head and gave Leo a confused look. _Why are we here?_ I silently asked.

"Look up, little brother." Leo answered my unspoken question. So I did. And my breath caught in my throat as I looked through the large open grate that covered the ceiling…and I saw the stars for the very first time. Millions upon millions of twinkling lights shining defiantly through the darkness and illuminating the night sky. These days you can't see more the occasional twinkle in the polluted skyline of NYC, but on that night years ago, those stars all shined their brightest for Leo and me.

"See Mikey?" He said as he gave me a one-armed hug. "Even in the dark, there's always light. You may not always be able see that light, but it's still there." He put one hand on my chest, directly over my heart. "You are that light shining in the darkness, little bro. Remember that," he chuckled, "and it will be the dark's turn to be afraid."

And I did remember. I always kept those words close to my heart and from that night on, the darkness never bothered me again. Sure, I still enjoyed cuddling up with all my big bros now and then, but whenever I felt that familiar claustrophobic feeling threatening to choke me, I always remembered those shining stars piercing the bleak night sky, their twinkling keeping time with the beating of my heart. Hah, just try to get me now invisible Foot ninja!

Leo's always done stuff like that for all of us, been the comforting big brother who always has an ear open and a shoulder to cry on. Of course he's also been the stick-in-the-mud leader who follows the rules to the letter, but of all my bros I'm probably most comfortable venting to him.

Hey, I'm not saying Leo is the only consoling brother here. Over the years all three of my big bros have at one point or another stepped up to comfort and/or console their cute and lovable youngest sibling. Even Raphie-boy, in his own angry and violent hotheaded way. But Donnie is driven more by facts than feelings, and we all know Raph would rather go tête-à-tête with good ole' Shred-head than admit to being the big softie we all know he is. I may be the most "touchy-feely" turtle of the bunch, but Leo's always been the best at comforting us all.

And now here I am, driving the Battle shell like a bat outta hell to save the big bro who's always been there to save me. Hey, don't think I'm forgetting about our favorite hotheaded bro, I know he's out there and injured too. But the way Donnie was yelling at Leo earlier, it sounds like Leo's done what he's always done for us…protected his little bros no matter the cost…

-10 minutes earlier-

I was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the lasagna when I heard a familiar buzzing and looked over at the table to see a purple-backed shell cell ringing.

"Donnie, it's for you!" I called as I stuck the lasagna in the oven. Getting no response, I rolled my eyes and grabbed the cell before heading over to our genius bro's lab. _Guess he really did install those sound proof walls_, I thought before knocking on the door.

After a few seconds accompanied by some thumps and rustling a disgruntled Don opened the lab door. "What is it, Mikey?" he muttered distractedly while glancing back over his shoulder probably at some unseen invention.

I couldn't help but raise an eye ridge at his surly tone_. Geez, I know tensions are high around here but yeesh, we don't need multiple Raph's running around. One is definitely enough._

"Phone." I answered before thrusting it at him. I couldn't help but add, "Gotta hot date tonight?" while waggling my eye ridges.

Don rolled his eyes and muttered his thanks before turning back into his lab. I was tempted to ask for a tip for my services but decided I didn't want another exploding Raph-like incident and was making my way back to the lab when Don's voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Leo?" he asked, his tone shaded with concern, "What are you doing with Raph's shell cell?"

_Well, _was my first thought. _Sounds like Raph found our big bro._ _But what's he doing with Raph's cell?_ Millions of different possibilities were running through my mind…some slightly ridiculous, some simply impossible, some quite worrying and some….I didn't even want to think about.

"Leo?" Don's voice repeated, sounding panicked. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

I turned back towards the lab and saw Don motioning towards me while pointing at some stuff on the far side of his lab. I nodded in understanding. _Clear the infirmary and get stuff ready for one, possibly two injured turtles. _For once I didn't break a single invention (too badly) as I shoved it all out of the way to make room for the hospital beds Don had constructed.

I could hear Don muttering to himself as he listened to Leo, stuff like "Raph" ,"concussion", "lacerations", "minor cuts and bruising", "possible whiplash", etc. While me no speaky geeky, it didn't sound like Raphie-boy was too badly injured, which made me relax a little. _At least it's not life threatening, or anything like that._

I grabbed the basic med kit but Don waved me off. "Never mind that, Mikey." He said. "Just get the Battle shell ready to go. You're driving."

As awesome as it is to finally get a rare chance to drive one of Donnie's inventions, I decided now wouldn't be the time to celebrate and kept silent as I ran into the garage.

I grabbed the keys hanging on the rack by the door and unlocked the Battle shell's rear doors to clear out the stuff in the back from Donnie's latest junkyard run and make space for the med kit equipment we were undoubtedly going to need.

I was almost done when a voice exploded from down in the sewers. "STABBED?" I could hear Don shouting, "YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT IN THE VERY BEGINNING! BUT NO, YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE BIG BROTHER AND PRETEND YOU'RE FINE AND MAKE US ALL WORRY AND…"

My stomach clenched as his voice faded out_. Stabbed?_ I thought. _Leo got…stabbed? It must be bad if Donnie blew up like that. I haven't heard him that mad since Leo confiscated his coffee machine._ Thinking about my oldest bro, I redoubled my efforts and practically threw the rest of the stuff outta the Battle shell. _Don't worry big bros,_ I thought to myself. _We're coming for you. Just hold on….please, just hold on…_

I heard the elevator ping open just as I finished clearing the backspace and turned to see Don running towards the Battle shell at high speed with the med kit hoisted over his shoulder while still talking desperately into his shell cell.

"I'm tracking you now." He spoke into the cell as I helped him set up the stuff in the back of the Battle shell. "We'll be there in 10 minutes. But Leo, you've gotta stay awake. You hear me? Come on Leo, you've gotta talk to me…Leo?...Leo!...Mikey, get your shell over here now!" He motioned towards the driver's seat as he himself sat down in the passenger side.

I wasted no time and practically dove towards the seat before strapping myself in and starting the ignition.

"LEONARDO!" I heard Don yell and glanced over to see him slowly close the cell shell, his face a sickly pale green.

He looked over at me, his face haunted and grim. "Drive, Mikey." He told me. "Just drive. I don't care how many traffic regulations you break. Get us there as fast as you can."

I nodded and quickly backed out of the garage and onto the seat. _Please just hold on,_ I desperately thought as we sped through the deserted streets.

-End Flashback-

"We're getting close. Turn left here." I heard Don's monotone voice as he glanced at the holographic map he had designed as part of the navigation system.

We hadn't said one word to each other for the whole drive, other than Don's short and clipped instructions as he followed the shell cell tracking device implanted in Raph's shell cell, marking where our injured, defenseless, possibly unconscious brothers were.

I didn't take Donnie's curtness personally. After all, we had two big brothers out there injured and alone, plus as the resident doctor the responsibility would fall on Don to take care of their injuries while he had no idea what exactly he was dealing with, other than what Leo had told him. Add all that stress up and you can't really blame our genius bro for not being very chatty.

"Park here. They must be on the roof. Be ready, whatever they were up against could still be close by." I silently nodded at his curt orders and parked the Battle shell under the building's fire escape before getting out. My hands twitched towards my chucks, but I restrained from pulling them out, knowing I'd need my hands to climb.

At Don's signal we silently made our way up the fire escape, keeping to the shadows while staying alert for any sign that we were not the only ones prowling around in the night.

When we finally reached the roof I could already see there'd been a fight. Blood stained the rooftop, with recent scratches from bladed weapons scattered about the area.

I saw Don pull out his bo staff and I followed by freeing my nunchuks, keeping them at ready. Don walked over near the ledge where a piece of cloth stuck to some dried blood was blowing in the breeze. He picked it up and immediately hissed upon examining it. I gave him a questioning look and he held it up for me to see. My heart flew up to my mouth at the familiar symbol emblazoned on the fabric. "Foot." I whispered and tightened my grip on my chucks.

Don nodded and tucked the cloth into his belt before we continued our search. The rooftop was sheltered, so we split up to cover ground more quickly. After wandering around for a minute while softly calling Leo and Raph's names I found a ventilator with a large head-sized dent in it, speckled with blood. I could see a trail of blood moving from below the ventilator towards a chimney on the far end of the roof and narrowed my eyes before slowly followed the trail towards the edge. _There's something sticking out from the side…looks funny, like a hand, except it's darker, and has…wait, 3 fingers?…_My eyes widened in realization. "Donnie, over here!" I shouted and raced towards the chimney.

My heart stopped when I finally reached the far end. I could see Leo sitting up leaning over another body lying face up in his lap_. Raph…_I thought and quickly bent down to check for injuries. Both of them looked unconscious…I couldn't tell if they were even breathing.

_Please no…_I desperately thought and leaned over to feel the sides of Leo and Raph's necks. _Come on, bros. Don't you dare leave us now._ I waited, and waited, and waited_…Don't you dare, don't you dare…_

_Yes!_ A pulse for both of them…faint, but still there. Raph's was slightly wobbly, but steady enough that I let out a shaky breathe that I didn't even know I'd been holding. Leo's pulse on the other hand felt like it was doing the tango, beating fast, then slow, then fast again, not keeping a steady beat. I tensed up again. _Don't you dare, Leo. Don't you even think about leaving us now…_

I could hear pounding footsteps behind me and saw Don skid into view out of the corner of my eye. Immediately he gave me a gentle yet firm shove out of the way and examined our big bros with a critical medical eye.

While Donnie can read encyclopedias, I can read body language pretty well. And the way Don tensed up and his eyes widened when he gently removed the hand Leo had pressed against his chest, I knew that something must be wrong.

"Mikey" he told me firmly, snapping me out of my daze, "I need you to carry Raph. Watch his head, he's got a nasty wound at the base of his skull. We have to staunch the bleeding and get their temperatures up quickly before shock sets in."

I nodded and wordlessly gathered Raph in my arms after gently untangling him from Leo before quickly carrying him across the rooftop and down the fire escape bridal style.

I'm not sure how I even managed to carry my bulky hotheaded bro down a fire escape without dropping him or falling, but I guess if you chalk up adrenaline with brotherly desperation then someone upstairs allowed for this small miracle.

I quickly put Raph on one of the cots in the back of the Battle shell and turned up the heat to warm him up just as Don entered while carefully carrying Leo. Quickly he placed him on the second cot and immediately inserted the IV and heart monitor to check Leo's vitals. I did the same thing for Raph, albeit a little more clumsily, but luckily Donnie had shown us some basic first aid treatment should the day ever come we would need this sort of medical equipment. _Thank you Don's slight paranoia, I shall never mock you again._

After making sure Raph was secure I wasted no time and threw myself in the driver's seat before turning on the ignition. I paused and quickly glanced back at Don, "Fast or slow?" I asked. As much as I wanted to tear through the streets to get back to the lair, I didn't want the jostling to make our big bros' injuries worse.

Don gave me a look almost as if he couldn't believe I'd actually thought of something so detailed, to which I was about to retort, but I bit my tongue knowing that arguing would not get us any closer to helping our bros.

"Medium," Don finally answered, "And make sure to avoid the bumpier roads." I silently nodded and started the ignition as I saw Don efficiently begin wrapping the deep stab wound on Leo's plastron. I could hear Raph shivering and muttering gibberish from his cot and my heart clenched. _Please hold on bros…_I thought as I carefully pulled into the street.

**I know, I know, it seems like I was stalling in this chapter a little. But in this next one all (well, maybe not all, but a lot) will be revealed...**

**In the meantime, feel free to release your angst in the text box below!**


	7. Ch 7 - Realizations & Explanations Pt I

Hello! While I know I said that "almost all will be revealed" in this next chapter, I couldn't resist splitting into two parts both to keep the word count from becoming too overwhelming and also just to keep my awesome readers in suspense :)

**Also N.B. - when writing out the passing of time at the beginning of each chapter, I'm counting off from the very beginning of the story. For example, if I put "Three weeks later" in my next chapter, it means three weeks after the very first chapter (Chapter 1), not the previous chapter of the story.**

Now get out that soda and popcorn and enjoy the show...

DISCLAIMER:...don't make me say it...

**Chapter 7 - Realizations & Explanations Part I**

6:30 AM (Next Day) – The Lab/Infirmary

RAPH:

I was floatin'. No other way to describe it, I was floatin' in a sorta…space? No walls, no floor, or really anythin' other than this abstract kinda darkness stretchin' out around me.

_HEY!_ I shouted, but it didn't feel like it came from my mouth, more like I thought it, and…ugh, this sorta thing ain't my line of expertise. _Where's a genius when you need one_, I "muttered" to myself.

_Hey!_ I repeated, _Anyone there? Mikey? Don? Leo?_

_Mikey…Don…Leo…_an echo called back.

_What the… _I thought/shouted. _Where the shell am I?_

_Am I…am I…am I…_Answered the echo.

I tried to move, but it felt like I was paralyzed, unable to even lift a freakin' finger. Fer anyone, feeling defenseless is bad enough, but fer a ninja it's cripplin'. I really am hopin' this paralysis thing here ain't permanent, 'cause it's bad enough being cooped up in the Lair…I'll definitely go insane if I'm cooped up in ma body like dis fer long.

_I can't even feel anythin', let alone do anythin'._

Course I had to think that just as a faint poundin' began to creep inta the base of my skull, wrappin' itself around my brain before suddenly it exploded into the mother of all migraines.

_Ahhh! Mother of…_ I closed ma eyes and vainly massaged ma temples. Images began rapidly flashing in front of meh like a broken power point, scattered words and pictures meldin' themselves into a vague projection.

_Running…footsteps…brothers…topside…patrol?_

_Skyline…New York…night…shadows…Foot…_

_Fighting…Don…Mikey…blood…outnumbered…_

_Dire…evil…darkness…defeat…sorrow…_

_Glowing…golden…sword…Master Yoshi…Leo…_

_Leo…Leo…Fearless…LEO!_

"NO!" I shouted before bolting upright. Ma breaths came out in heavy gasps as I looked around at the crisp and clean surroundings of the Lair's infirmary.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…

Slowly my breathin' evened as I closed ma eyes in relief. _Was only a dream…was only a dream…was only a dream…_ I repeated the mantra over and over again in ma head, tryin' to rid the images forever burned into the insides of ma eyelids.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…

Ma head throbbed at the noise as I clutched it and groaned. _Even if that was a dream, dis headache sure ain't._

Green fingers scrabbled for the source of dat dang beeping, desperately searchin' for some freakin' relief from tha poundin' echo in ma skull. A hand finally managed ta wrap itself round an unseen wire and of course without any hesitation I tugged at it wit' all ma might.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

I covered my ears as the beepin' was immediately replaced by a high-pitched whine that practically ate away at ma eardrums.

"Ya gotta be kiddin' me." I muttered just as poundin' footsteps soon joined the chaos. I glanced up ta see a familiar purple and green form skid inta the room wit' panic written all over his face.

It's really quite amazin' how quickly a turtle's features can change from terror ta relief ta annoyance all in the span of bout a second. As soon as Don saw meh he gave meh, or maybe it was the wire still in ma hand, a pointed look before runnin' over and flippin' a switch on some mechanical doohickey next to me. Immediately all the beepin' and the sirens stopped and sweet silence soon reigned again.

I sighed in relief and slowly brought ma hands back down to rest in my lap before glancing up to see Don staring down with his no nonsense "Doctor Don" stare that made me want to roll ma eyes. _Kinda reminds me of Fearless._ I thought before it all hit me like a ton o' bricks.

"Leo…" I whispered and immediately pulled myself to the edge of the bed and planted my feet on the floor, determined ta find ma older bro. Of course as soon as I tried to get up Don practically tackled me and by some miracle managed ta pin me back down on the bed.

_What is this, pin-down-the-hothead week?_ I growled ta myself as I squirmed in Don's grip. "_Donatello_," I snarled, "Let me outta this bed right now or else I'm gonna…"

"Or you'll what, _Raphael_." He growled back at me as he held ma down. "You can barely move, lest get out of bed. You're still injured and as your doctor and brother, I'm not allowing you out of this bed until I deem it safe and/or necessary." He gave me a firm shove. "Now you can either lie back down on that bed like a good little turtle or I can break out the sedatives. Your choice."

After another minute of desperate strugglin', I finally caved and collapsed back on the bed pantin' from exhaustion. _Fine_, I glared up at Don, _but that sure as shell don't mean I hafta like it._

Don scowled down at ma defiant look before his face slowly crumbled. I may not be fully lucid, but I ain't stupid. I could see tha dark circles under his eyes and he practically smelled like a Starbucks. I couldn't help but feel a (slight) stab of regret fer making things even harder fer ma genius bro. _The guy looks like he should be tha one takin' a load off._

Don scrubbed a hand o'er his face and sighed. "Honestly Raph, please don't give me any more trouble. Leo's already keeping everyone around here on edge, I don't need you running around like a berserker and possibly reinjuring yourself."

I opened ma mouth ta demand what exactly dat implied and what he'd meant bout Fearless when I was assaulted by an orange and green blur.

"RAAAAAAAPHHHHHIIIIIIIIE!" Mikey screeched as he catapulted full force and knocked ma back on the bed. _And back to the pinnin'…_I sighed ta myself as Mikey wrapped his limbs round me like an octopus and attached himself like he was ne'er gonna let go.

"Are you okay? What happened? Dude, you are so lucky you have such a hard head when you got hit with that chimney...you were like muttering gibberish about pizza and punching bags, but you only got a con-clu-sion…"

"That's 'concussion', Mikey." Don interrupted.

"Right, what Donnie said, which is like awesome…not that it's awesome that you got hurt, but when Leo called he had us all worried and…"

That was one tidbit in Mikey's rant dat I actually paid attention to. "Wait, Leo called ya? When?" I asked.

Mikey froze midsentence, a miracle which kinda scared me more than when he was spoutin' words like a fountain. He and Don exchanged a look dat clearly said "should we tell him?" And that sure as shell pissed meh off that ma younger bros were deliberately keepin' somethin' from me, 'specially if it was 'bout our big bro.

"Yeah…" Mikey said slowly, obviously choosin' his words carefully, "Leo called saying you'd taken a nasty hit to the noggin and he couldn't wake ya. So Don and I tracked you guys down and brought you back to the Lair to treat both your injuries."

I pounced on dat. "Wait, both? Is Fearless okay?" I was really beginnin' to hate those secret looks Don and Mikey kept exchangin'. "Look, I'm the big bro here. And if Leo's injured then as second oldest, I'm in charge." I glared at both of them. "And as your temporary leader, I order you to tell me what the SHELL is goin' on 'round here? WHERE IS LEO?" I shouted.

"Your brother has sustained a grave stab wound to the chest, Raphael. He is still unconscious, but the injury is not life threatening." I whirled round ta see Mater Splinter standing at the door and couldn't help but lower ma eyes from the stern look Sensei was giving me.

"However," he continued, "There are still questions to be answered about what events came to pass on that roof top, my son."

I swallowed thickly. This was gonna be a hard story ta tell. I wasn't even sure if I should be tha one ta tell it, partly cause I really only know a sorta vague summary and also technically most of it's really Leo's story ta tell. But then the rest of my brain swooped in and beat ma conscience to the ground sayin' I could deal with the guilt later. As family, they all had a right to know.

"Alright," I said softly, "Just let ma see him first, then I'll talk." I could see doubtful glances being exchanged around in silent conference. "Please." I added in the best wheedlin' tone I could muster. I'm not the type to beg, but in ma book brotherly safety counts for more than pride, however much ma ego wanted to flop over and die right there and then.

All eyes turned to Master Splinter who cocked his head reflectively before he finally nodded in agreement.

I could hear Donnie's resigned sigh as gentle hands lifted ma up and threw ma arms 'round two sets of shoulders 'fore draggin' me off the bed onto ma feet. Together our procession slowly moved ta an off-white closed curtain on tha opposite side of tha room.

Tha slow trek towards dat curtain seemed ta stretch out fer miles in front of meh. As much as I wanted ta see Leo, I could feel a nigglin' voice in tha back of ma mind repeating how it was ma fault we were all in dis mess. I could feel the guilt rearin' its ugly head again and quickly squashed the urge ta run from the room as we finally approached our destination.

I braced myself as Sensei slowly pulled open tha curtain and even as the tough guy I almost cried out in horror. I could see Leo's torso wrapped in a sea of white bandages, with many more coverin' smaller wounds on his arms, legs, and face. His skin was a chalky shade of pale green, so different from its usual grass-green color. A heart monitor kept the unsteady beat of ma brother's heart, movin' fast…slow…fast…slow…

_It's getting worse_, I bleakly thought as ma bros guided me towards a chair by Leo's bedside. I slowly eased myself onto the seat and gently took his hand and squeezed it, both to comfort him and reassure myself that he was still here…for now at least…

I could feel all their gazes drilling into meh and sighed. _Well, here goes nothin'._ I thought 'fore plungin' ahead.

"Well, afta I left the Lair, I spent bout ten minutes searchin' for Fearless 'fore I found him. He was fightin' waves of Foot tech ninja, taking them all on single-handed. But by tha time I got there this psycho Foot scientist had a kunai against Leo's throat."

I swallowed thickly before continuin', "He told meh that Stockman had forced Leo ta sacrifice himself fer us and did an experiment on him that made him…sick."

I could see Don's face fixed in deep concentration as he studied the unsteady beeping of Leo's heart. "That would explain why Leo's condition is still unstable." He finally said. "As Sensei pointed out, Leo was stabbed and lost quite a lot of blood, but his injuries shouldn't be affecting his heart this much, nor should his white blood cell count be so high and…"

"Donatello," Sensei gently interrupted, "I suggest you allow your brother to continue his story. I am sure in time all will be revealed." He gestured for meh ta continue.

I took a deep breath to steady ma own fast-beating ticker as I charged on. "He told meh that if I wanted more answers I should talk to Chaplin, but he said it isn't like there's anything we can do since Leo's illness is…terminal."

I could hear Don's sharp intake of breath behind me and saw a flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye as Masta Splinta's tail lashed in a brief display of emotion.

A familiar pair of sea-green arms wrapped themselves around me from behind. "Raphie?" Mikey murmured in ma ear, "What does 'terminal' mean?"

I closed my eyes. Even if Mikey was unsure about the weight of that word, he could still sense our distress. "It means there might not be a cure, Mikey." I answered softly.

I felt his arms tighten as he hugged me closer.

"After dat," I resumed afta a minute, "There were words and insults exchanged, some Foot dragged meh behind a chimney. I saw Leo get stabbed, struggled, got hit in da head, and I woke up here."

Silence followed as ma words died down. I could only hear da beepin' of Leo's heart as we all sat and stood together, tryin' ta absorb all of…dis. I couldn't even feel anythin': no sadness, no anger…and that's petrifyin' fer a turtle who runs on raw emotion here. I was just…numb.

"Raph…" I opened my eyes ta see Donnie standin' next ta ma chair wit' one hand restin' on Mikey's shell, his face lined wit' worry. "This disease…does it have to do with the functioning of the heart?"

I could see the cogs in ma genius bro's brain turnin' as he made connections between Leo's irregular heart beat and tha white blood cells…and I could see the absolute horror on his face as realization dawned.

"…Yeah…" I choked on the word and swallowed again before continuin'. "He claimed Stockman gave Leo…heart cancer...and Fearless let him to protect us..."

The word seemed to echo throughout the room. Even if we lived in a sewer, we all knew enough that up topside cancer was a widespread problem even for humans. And now that funny six-letter word held the balance of ma big bro's fate.

"But how can we like trust this Foot dude." Mikey interrupted, shatterin' the overbearing silence as we each tried to process everythin'. Mikey looked around at all of us, his baby blue eyes shining wit' a desperate hope that I could see he was clingin' ta wit' all his might. "I mean, Raph said it himself, the guy was a nut. So how do we know he was even telling the truth in the first place? Couldn't it be like some sort of drug or something that's making Leo act like he has heart cancer?"

All eyes turned ta Donnie, who was starin' at some numbers displayed next ta Leo's heart monitor wit' a thoughtful look on his face. "It is possible…" he dragged out afta a minute. "There could be another explanation for these unusual symptoms. But…"

His unspoken words hung heavily in tha air around us. It was a long shot, a dim chance, a once-in-a-lifetime possibility…and there was only one way ta prove it.

I could finally feel a flicker of familiar anger inside me, breakin' through the numbin' shock that I'd been feelin' ever since I had uttered those three hateful words seemingly so long ago. But Mikey's unfailing optimism was contagious, and for tha first time I felt a brief glimmer of hope that we could still save our big bro. And there was only one person who apparently had all tha answers we needed…

"I think it's time we had a nice little chat wit' our good friend Chaplin." I growled as slowly pulled myself to ma feet, working out tha sore kinks in ma muscles. Now I had a name and face within reach dat I could direct all the pent-up emotions inside me towards…I could already feel tha familiar rage curlin' deep in ma belly.

I looked over at ma genius bro. "Donnie," I asked as I cracked ma knuckles. "ya still got dat video chat set up on your computer?"

**I know, I know, this may not be how heart cancer really progresses in a patient, but since this particular patient is a mutant turtle with an unpredictable body chemistry, I feel like I can have a little leeway here.**

**Anywho, part II shall be on the way...when the Hamato clan has a nice "friendly" chat with Chaplin (oh, the possibilities)**

**In the meantime, the review text box awaits...**


	8. Ch 8 - Realizations & Explanations Pt II

**Hi y'all! Just a few quick things:**

**dondena - While I do not personally know the pain of losing a loved one to an illness such as cancer, I hope that this story conveys the proper events and feelings accurately. Feel free to give me any tips or comments in the review box...**

**N.B. - I have officially given up on making adjustments for Raph's accent in the normal text and have now limited it to his thoughts and dialogue.**

DISCLAIMER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O...(et cetera, et cetera, et cetera)

**Chapter 8 - Realizations & Explanations Pt. II**

8:00 AM (Next Day) – Back in the Lab/Infirmary

RAPH:

For the next hour and a half, while Don worked on fixing up that video chat on his computer, I paced…

...back and forth…

….back and forth…

…back and forth across the Lair floor…

"Geez Raph, you're gonna to start trenching the Lair if you keep stomping around like that." I scowled at Mikey where he sat perched on the couch crunching on a bag of chips.

With all the walking I'd been doing since Donny had gotten ta work the pain in ma muscles had settled to a manageable dull throb that I barely registered as I continued….

…back and forth…

…back and forth…

…back and forth…

"My sons." Two heads snapped up as Sensei slid the door of his room shut behind him. "Donatello has finished with his adjustments on the computer and is ready."

After fifteen years living with Masta Splinta I was beyond asking how he'd known that while he'd been shut in his room meditating for the past two hours. Instead, Mike and I raced into the lab ta find our genius bro bent over his computer, tinkerin' with some of the surrounding equipment.

"Just plug this in here, one last tweak, aaaaannnnd…done!" Don declared as he sat down at his desk chair and began typing furiously.

Wordlessly we all crowded around him, our attentions all focused on the black computer screen as it slowly flickered to life.

"My son," I felt a furry clawed hand rest on my shoulder. "do not let anger rule over you. We all must focus on the goals ahead, not on the past. Remember you are a ninja, Raphael. You must be calm, cool, and collected…this is a time when you must be tactful and diplomatic, my son."

Slowly I nodded in response as Don's mouse moved across the bright screen, letting those words churn over and over again in my mind.

_Ok, calm down. Remember what Sensei said…calm, cool, and collected. Can't blow up, can't be a hothead…Can't blow up, can't be a hothead…_

After another minute of Donnie's magic, Chaplin's face soon came onto the computer screen. He was fiddling with some thingamajig for about a minute before Don coughed rather loudly to get his attention.

His head shot up in surprise before splitting into a classic Cheshire grin that really rubbed ma shell the wrong way.

"Oh, Hi Donatello!" he said wit' his usual infuriatin' optimism. "How are you? I was actually just going to call you about some modifications on…"

And with that annoyingly cheerful greeting, calm, cool, and collected went right out the window.

"WHY THA HELL DIDN'T YA SAY YOUR BUDDY STOCKMAN HAD GIVEN LEO CANCER!" I screamed at the screen, spittle flying all across the computer. Okay, mebbe not the most diplomatic approach, but ya know me. I was never really one for small talk.

Upon which Chaplin's face immediately crumbled like a pile of bricks. He scrubbed a hand over his features before replying. "Oh…" he said dejectedly, "That…"

"Yeah, that." I said darkly while cracking my knuckles. "And if ya don't fess up ta why ya chose to keep that lil' tidbit from us, I'm a gonna storm over there and shove my sais so far down your…"

"Raphael!" Splinter scolded, giving me his signature warning look.

I grumbled an apology and sat back down, not that I felt any remorse toward tha bastard.

Sensei turned toward the video screen, "I apologize for my son's outburst, Dr. Chaplin. Leonardo gravely injured tonight by a serious stab wound above the heart. We simply would like to know why you chose not to tell us of his…condition." He was using that typical calm and patient Sensei-to-student voice, but after 15 years as his rebellious son I could see his tail slightly twitching and knew betta. He was pissed off like the rest o' us, just better at masking his emotions.

Chaplin sighed and suddenly the guy seemed to have aged ten years in about ten seconds, "Because," he said in defeat, "Leonardo asked me not to."

Silence. It took about 5 seconds to absorb that…4…3…2…1…

"WHAT?!" We all shouted, followed by a loud crack as Master Splinter hit the ground with his cane to silence us.

"Please explain." He said graciously to Chaplin.

Chaplin turned behind him to rustle in some cabinets before swiveling back to us with a thick file in his hand. He opened it up to reveal an outline of a bipedal turtle's body with some stats listed on the sides. "I was digging through some old Foot files to see if I could use any data for some of my future experiments at the new Foot corporations, when I found this."

He flipped toward a new page with a list of diagnostics and percentages I couldn't make head or tail of it. But Donnie sure could. His eyes widened. "It's results from DNA sampling tested against diseases." He whispered. His eyes narrowed at Chaplin in accusation. "Where did you get these?" He growled in a very "un-Donnie-like" tone.

Chaplin fidgeted, eyes turned away in guilt. "When the Foot ninja battled against you guys a special team would always comb the scene after the fight for any salvageable DNA they could use to analyze you. They would send it back to the lab where we would experiment on it to see if we could procure any secrets about your unique capabilities. Luckily we never got enough to be able to actually do anything major with it like clone any of you."

He finally looked up to meet all our glares, "I swear to you I never had any part in it other than analyzing the occasional sample they gave to me, even though I knew it was practically useless since there was so little." He paused, "I mainly worked on technological advances I thought would benefit us. However Stockman my…former colleague…found that all four of you had heart cancer encoded in your DNA. It was already beginning to take effect on your systems." He paused, finally choking out the words, "Michelangelo was the farthest along." He said, indicating his head toward Mikey. "It would have become apparent within the next five years or so."

My youngest bro paled upon hearing those words, his eyes widening in horror, clutching at his plastron like he was afraid his heart would fail any moment. I swallowed thickly, _Mikey…_, I thought despairingly, _our baby brother had CANCER…we all woulda died within tha next few years if Leo hadn't…_

Chaplin continued, "However, Stockman had used some Utrom technology and was able to come up with a device that could transfer diseases from one victim to the next. He sent a note to your brother, explaining the situation and claimed he had a solution to the problem but your brother had to agree to Stockman's proposition. Knowing Leonardo, he probably felt he had no choice but accept in order to protect all of you."

He looked down to thumb through the file, "According to these notes, your brother somehow lured you all into a Foot ambush while on patrol, where you were knocked out by darts and brought back to the labs. Stockman himself conducted the process, transferring all of the disease from your bodies to Leonardo's. Then by your brother's request he had all your memories wiped to prevent you from remembering it." He concluded.

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Mikey was in shock…Don looked like he was going to throw up…even Splinter was affected, his fur standing up on end. If not for the current situation I probably would have snickered a little at seeing Sensei's fur puffed up a bit like a cotton ball, but I was too angry at Fearless to even crack a grim smile. "Dat son of a bitch…" I muttered, furious at my brother for not telling us, "He trusted Stockman more than his own brothers?"

"What if it had been you, Raphael." Chaplin said softly while looking at me, "If you were in Leonardo's position, what would you have done?"

I paused, knowing that I sure as shell would have done it no question to protect my bros.

"Wait a second," Don interrupted as he continued to examine the file Chaplin was holding, "you said that Stockman had a proposition Leo had to agree to. Don't tell me Stockman did this all just for shits and giggles."

My eyes widened. I wasn't sure what shocked me more: Don's point or his language. Seriously, Donnie NEVER cursed. And I mean NEVER as in I can count the number of times on one hand that he has. And I've only got 3 fingers to start with.

But back to processing my genius bro's actual statement, Stockman must have put a hefty price on our safety. And I don't doubt Leo for stepping up to keep his family out of harm's way_. If dere's one thin' ya can always count on, _I thought grimly,_ it's his mother hen instincts._

Chaplin continued to flip through the file, "It doesn't say, but," He glanced up at us. The guy looked so pale his read hair stood out like a beacon on top of his head, "Stockman somehow managed to acquire a lot of samples of your brother recently. Way more than he ever got from any of you."

There it was again. Stunned silence filled the room as everyone tried to process all these secrets Leo had kept from them.

I couldn't even begin to describe how I was feeling. Shock. Anger. Guilt. Betrayal. These emotions were all roiling inside me fighting for dominance. I was so shell-shocked I couldn't even speak. Leo actually gave that son of a bitch SAMPLES. I wasn't sure who to go and whale on: Leo for doing it or Stockman for forcing ma older bro to.

Don was the first to recover enough to speak, "What…" he stuttered and swallowed thickly before continuing. "Exactly what sort of samples did he take from Leo?"

Chaplin sighed and held up another page, this one containing observations and sketches, most with all those circles that Don always studies in his books. What was it? Mole-cu-lar structure? Don't wanna think too much bout that nerd mumbo jumbo, I'd give myself a migraine for a week.

"The better question," Chaplin replied as his eyes glazed over the page, "would be what samples he **didn't** take from Leonardo. There are tests and observations here studying samples from both the external and…internal parts of the body." He shuddered, "From these notes that I've read so far, some of the trials they forced him through…the pain must have been excruciating."

I could feel my teeth grinding as I tried to hold in the scream building in my throat. I clenched and released my fists to keep me from punching the nearest object in sight. Preferably animate….preferably Stockman's big fat head…

"How did it all affect Leo?" All heads turned as Mikey finally chimed into the conversation. Our youngest bro had the most serious expression I'd ever seen on him, as he continued, "You know, wouldn't there be like scars or something from all those tests?" He managed to choke out.

Chaplin's brow furrowed as he reexamined the pages, "According to this," he replied, "They were able to use more Utrom technology to perform the trials without leaving any physical scars. Thus you would remain none the wiser to your brother's…secret."

We all flinched at that word, "secret." I never thought the words "Leo" and "secret" could ever be used in the same sentence. We all know he's got a guilt complex a mile wide, so I never in shell thought he'd be able to keep something from his family. _Guess when it comes to Leader guilt vs. family safety,_ I bitterly thought, _those overprotective instincts always win._

"As for the effects of the procedure…" Chaplin trailed off. I tensed, knowing we had reached the heart (definitely no pun intended) of the matter: Leo's future. I caught Chaplin gaze, his dark eyes full of a deep despair that practically knocked me on my shell. And suddenly, all the blustering anger I'd felt towards Chaplin fell away, leaving only the desperate hope that I hung on to with all my might. Not to mention the icy terror that clawed it's way up my throat, blocking any words I tried to choke out.

_Dere's gotta be some sorta treatment available. _I frantically thought to myself, _We've got some of tha top scientists in tha world on our side here, the worst dat could happen is_…I didn't even want to consider that option.

I could see the redheaded geek sigh before he plunged ahead, "The process eliminated your chances of ever developing the disease but by consequence exponentially accelerated the velocity of your brother's condition."

He paused at our blank expression…well, except Don, his was filled with absolute horror, which sure as shell gave me no comfort.

"In layman's terms," he explained, "The cancer began rapidly spreading and taking it's toll on Leonardo's body." And for the second time that night, I felt that same pure, paralyzing fear overwhelm me. I could already see where this was going, yet I still desparately clung onto the vague hope that there was a chance of treatment and recovery, that Leo would be back to nagging us by the end of the week. _Leo's a fighter, _I anxiously thought_. He can't let a stupid disease get tha best of him…he just can't…_

"A few months after the procedure," Chaplin continued, "I contacted Leonardo with this information thinking he may have been unaware of these events if Stockman had wiped his memories as well at the end of the process. Your brother thanked me for my concern but informed me that he did already know and asked if I knew if there was anyway to halt or at least slow the disease slowly taking over his body." He paused, his eyes downcast in sorrow, "There was not." He finished in a whisper, "After countless hours of research and experimenting, I could not find anyway to even divert the illness let alone stop it."

He took a shuddering breath. "Your brother is probably one of the bravest beings I have ever and most likely will ever meet in my lifetime. When I brought the results of my findings to Leonardo he took the news of his inevitably close passing quite well and was extremely gracious for all the help I had given him. His one request was that I did not reveal his condition to any of you so that he could spend his remaining time with all his family and friends in peace rather than with all of you running around desperately trying to find a cure."

I could see Chaplin's adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard and looked up to meet all our eyes, "Would you have refused the request of an individual whose days were so few numbered?"

_Days numbered…days numbered…days numbered…_That phrase kept circling and circling around and around inside my head. My fists were clenched so hard I could feel the nails biting into the palms of my hands.

I felt a gentle touch on my arm and looked up into Mikey's bright blue eyes filled with unshed tears. Slowly he reached over and uncurled my left fist before slipping his hand into mine, both giving and seeking comfort.

I let a deep sigh slip out before squeezing Mike's hand. I looked over to see Donnie also glancing back at us from his desk chair and placed my other hand on his shoulder in a gesture of silent agreement to ask the unspoken question.

"Chaplin…Raph told us the cancer was at stage three before Leo was wounded…how quickly was the cancer spreading?" Don asked as he slowly forced each word out of his mouth. I couldn't blame him, my tongue felt so thick in ma mouth I probably couldn't have said anything even if I'd wanted to as we finally addressed the elephant in the room.

"At the rate his condition was deteriorating," Chaplin carried on, "he would have succumbed to the cancer in a few months…But," he held up a finger to stop our barrage of oncoming questions, "The wound he has sustained tonight is putting a massive strain on your brother's heart. And even with the available equipment and medical knowledge…" I could see the unshed tears glistening in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I do not think Leonardo will live the night."

I thought I heard a sob from Mikey, a sharp intake of breath from Donnie, maybe even seen a tear slowly snaking it's way down Masta Splinta's face as he bowed his head in grief. But I simply stood there, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to even breathe.

For the last two hours I'd been able to cling onto the glimmer of frantic hope that we could heal Leo, that we could all go back to the way it was before any of the cancer ever got involed. But still roiling underneath me was all the pain, the anger, the guilt…slowly building in me…

And now to hear Chaplin's words shatter any sort of chance of that eva happenin', I could feel myself breaking under all of it…At times like these I needed ma big bro…he was always there for us, somehow managin' ta lead the hothead, the genius, and the jokester together as a team…as brothers…as family...

_Not ta mention now he thinks I hate him_, I thought ruefully, _What if dose are tha last words I eva get ta say ta him? What if…?_

I screamed in frustration and threw a punch with all my might at the wall next to the computer. The resounding thud echoed throughout the lab. I swear you could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed.

But I didn't care. I was lost in my own world. I could feel tha denial settin' in, refusing to acknowledge a world where my brother would no longer be part of our lives, a world where without our leader, our older brother just…gone.

I cradled my hand instinctively against my chest, ignoring the aching pain in my knuckles as I silently wept, letting the tears course down my cheeks unashamedly. I knew I had to step up as second oldest, ta help Don and Mikey through this in case Leo wouldn't make it. But for now I could only lose myself in my sorrow and grieve for the brother we would so soon lose.

_Leo_, I whispered the name over and over again in my mind… _Leonardo…leader…brave…fearless…determined…dedicate d…loving…big brother…Leo…_

I couldn't take it anymore and raced out of the lab and into the infirmary. I heard shouts echoing behind me but I didn't care. I had to see him. I had to know he was still with us, that neither the cancer nor the wounds had claimed my big brother…yet.

As soon as I staggered through the doorway I could see him. I could see his body lying there on the clean crisp hospital bed, pale like a corpse. Only the shallow rise and fall of his chest accompanied by the sloping beat of the heart monitor indicated that he was still with us…still alive, just barely holding on.

I collapsed on my knees by his bedside and grabbed his hand, holding it like a lifeline close to my face. "Oh big bro," I whispered, "I'm sorry…I'm so so sorry."

My sobs finally broke free, resonating in my chest and moving up and around the large lump in my throat before slipping out, each cry an echo of the pain in my heart.

**Oh, come on...you seriously don't have ANYTHING you want to drop into the review box about this chapter?**


	9. Ch 9 - A Genius Reflection

**Yay! Another update done :)**

**Enjoy!**

DISCLAIMER: I think I've made it pretty clear by now...

**Chapter 9 - A Genius Reflection**

**8:30 AM (Next Day) – Yup, still in the Lab…**

DON:

As a scientist, I have never been a devout follower of Murphy's Law, an epigram which principally states "everything that can go wrong, will go wrong". To my logical mind the probability that every single little detail in a situation can end in disaster are astronomical to say the least. It is just simply an illogical adage that I have never been one to believe.

That is, until now.

After Raph hightailed it out of the lab it practically took all my willpower not to run after him and join him by Leo's bedside. But I knew that as the family doctor there was still so much to do to help Leo pull through this…if he would be able to pull through this…

I don't mean to be the pessimistic turtle here, yet to put it bluntly, heart cancer is nothing to sneeze at. Even in modern hospitals not much can be done. And being a mutant turtle makes it even trickier. With the modified genetic material, a reaction to any sort of foreign antibodies is a wide range of unpredictability, like a game of Russian roulette. The mutated cells may develop immunity to the cancer or speed up the process and kill him even sooner than the average human. And I sure as shell am not simply going to sit around just waiting to see the outcome.

Chaplin offered sincere condolences and promised to do all in is power to help Leo before signing off. Even if he hasn't been on our side for long, the guy was sincere and expressed genuine sadness in the face of Leo's possible…God, I don't even want to consider it.

After breaking the news about Leo's condition, there really wasn't much more to say to each other after Raph left.

I tried to comfort Mikey the best I could but he continued to sob and sob like there was no tomorrow, curling into a ball and rocking himself while repeating Leo's name over and over again. I became concerned that his constant crying would make him sick, which was the last thing we needed with Leo's condition already hanging over our heads, so I caved to my inner scientist and convinced Sensei to slip a sedative into some tea to help Mikey sleep. I know, I'm a coward for doing that to my little brother, but what else could I do? The only other way to stop Mikey's tears was to cure Leo of this wretched cancer.

So here I was, scanning through pages and pages of medical notebooks and websites, desperately trying to come up with an answer to help my big bro.

Huh, it's funny how we all automatically think that Leo's the oldest brother. I've always been tempted to test our DNA to see if we really our brothers, but it seemed best just to let sleeping dogs lie. As the poet Maya Angelou once said, "There's a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure the truth." The truth is we will always be brothers; no DNA sampling will ever change that. But I wouldn't want the technicalities of our blood relations to make it awkward if some of us were in fact brothers while others weren't. So I never brought the matter up with my family.

Yet even so, from a young age Leo has always been the big brother. He took care of us and protected us all throughout our lives. Whether or not his help was wanted, he was always there; keeping Raph in line, listening to my technological rants, playing video games with Mikey…no matter what he was always the big brother. _I guess I never realized all that he did for us til' now_, I thought as my eyes glazed over another medical journal. _And I'll never be able to thank him for it unless I can find a way to help him._

I remembered hearing Raph's muttered words as he ran out of the lab, words like _Leo…glue…family…big brother…Fearless…_

Even while my mind is in a frenzy, I still could not help but stop and think about my big bro's words. Yes, in a way Leo is like a "glue" in this family as our leader (after Master Splinter, of course)…

But to me, we function together like moving parts in a machine. If one of the parts becomes lost or broken, even if the part is replaced, the machine will never operate as well as it did with all the original parts. No matter how hard we would try to fill the hole in each of our hearts should Leo (or anyone in the family, for that matter) disappear, we would never be able function as well together as a family. Even if time heals wounds and adjusts or replaces the parts, the machine would never be the same again.

Dragging my mind away from such thoughts, I shook myself and opened another medical journal to focus on the task at hand, quickly scanning through the first chapter's contents.

"Nothing." I growled as I pounded a fist on my lab table. "Over 1,000 medical textbooks, journals, and research papers surrounding me, with millions more at my beck and call, and still NOTHING!"

I snapped the book shut and slammed it down on the table in a fit of uncontrollable rage. Usually anger is Raph's department, but this new sensation that squeezed my heart and curled in my belly made me want to shut myself away in the dojo and have at it on the punching bag for the next few hours. But I knew there was no time for that_. If I don't find anything to help Leo soon he could_…A large drop splashed down onto the page and I furiously wiped it away before the writing could smear.

You might think I'm heartless for not joining my hotheaded sibling next to Leo's bedside, but my logical mind begs the question, what could I do other than offer Leo loving familial support? Yes, I do in fact realize that this is essential in healing a loved one; we did the same thing when Leo was last gravely injured by the Elite. But those wounds were temporary, both mental and physical scars that would mostly, if not fully, heal. On the other hand a sickness like cancer spreads from within, and such methods would not be enough to bring Leo back this time around. Now is the time for the family doctor to step in and fix the problem.

_But how can I fix a problem that teams of scientists and doctors still struggle with in these modern days? What if there isn't a solution? What if Leo…_

I struggled not to hyperventilate as all these inner questions bombarded me, none of which I could even form answers to, especially the final and indeed the most daunting one. _If Leo was not here, what would happen to us?_ I desperately thought. _What would happen to Mikey, to Raph, to Master Splinter?_ My mind scrabbled for answers. _What would we do without our leader…without our big brother?_

I strained my hearing to pick up the faint beeping of Leo's heart monitor in the infirmary, one of the few indicators that he's still with us.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP… BEEP…

That stubborn heart of a warrior, of a loving brother, who guided us through all our battles against the countless enemies we have faced.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…

It seemed impossible that anything could stop that unyielding heart, especially an enemy we cannot see.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…

I have faith in my brother. I just hope he is able to battle this inner demon the same way he has fought former foes. Except now it feels like he has to face this alone…that we cannot help him fight this new and unpredictable enemy…

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…

But of course he has us here with him. And with Raph's strength, my brains, Mikey's (somewhat twisted) humor, and Sensei's wisdom, I'm sure we can keep that stubborn heart strong. _You've supported us for so long big brother_, I ruefully thought, _I think it's time we returned the favor. We'll get you through this no matter what it takes…_

BEEP…BEEP…BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

"DONATELLO, GET YOUR SHELL IN HERE!"


End file.
